Fraternising With the Enemy
by NoodleRamen
Summary: After being knocked on the head during a fight with Shizuo, Izaya loses his memory. Shizuo, sadly, has to keep an eye on him until it comes back. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

It was in the middle of July and the weather was stupidly hot. In a place like Ikebukuro, there was little reprieve from the heat. Days in particular made most of the residents feel like they were melting into the tarmac. The only time anyone felt like leaving their homes was at night where the temperature was at least bearable. Because of this, the centre of Ikebukuro was full of people that evening, all in one large heaving mass.

Most of these were normal people going from A to B in an attempt to get on with their lives. Some of these people were not so normal; and it just so happened that two of these unusual individuals were unwittingly on a collision course.

The first of these two was a tall young man with bleached hair and a bartender's uniform. In stark contrast to his violent reputation, Shizuo Heiwajima was strolling at a leisurely pace behind his employer Tom. This had been a good day in that he hadn't harmed anyone, something that did not occur as often as he would've liked.

Lighting a cigarette, he watched the crowds as he walked past with a slight interest. Tom was currently on the phone so there was no one to talk to. Because of his tendency to violence, people often avoided him. This meant he was quite a lonely person. Not that he'd complain about it. There weren't many people to complain to for a start.

Whilst Shizuo was moving dreamily up one way, Izaya Orihara was skipping down the other. He was in a great mood. A few more people had taken the bait on one of those suicide forums and now 'Nakura' was on his way to meet them. The wide smile on his face and the skip in his step was the opposite of what you'd expect from an apparently suicidal person.

Once they reached the middle of the street, Shizuo's eyes found themselves settling on what seemed to be a familiar figure in the crowd. The energetic movements and smug expression meant that this person was unmistakable. Before his brain could process this recognition, his body had gone on to automatic and he was ripping a bin up from the ground and launching it at his enemy.

Izaya had little warning but as he could see the bin flying at him, he was able to move out of the way slightly. The bin still managed to clip his arm, which obviously hurt like a bitch.

"Iiiizaayyaa-Kun!" The guttural growl was well known and any passers-by who had witnessed the flying bin moved quickly to get out of the way.

"That really wasn't nice Shizu-chan." Although he tried to act calm, inwardly Izaya was seething. This was just typical. Whenever he had plans something like this just had to screw with them.

"I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro, Izaya-kun." Shizuo's eye was twitching and his hands were clenching and unclenching as he reached out towards a stop sign.

"I've got people to meet Shizu-chan, can't we leave this for today?" A very unlikely occurrence but it was worth a try.

"Not until I've pummelled you." And with a roar of rage, Shizuo swung the sign round, narrowly missing Izaya and leaving a crack in a nearby building.

This only angered Shizuo more since he'd failed in his mission and so he pressed forward, swinging wildly as he went. Tom hadn't bothered to follow, choosing to stay back until the destruction was over. As this happened so often, Izaya easily dodged and dived out of the way. Because of the ease with which he did this, he was unprepared for anything unexpected.

In this case, it was an empty packet on the floor. Shizuo swung at Izaya's head with the aim of knocking it off of his smug body, and as Izaya went to move out of the way, his foot landed on the packet and slipped sideways. He had managed to move out of the way enough to avoid a head on collision but the sign still clipped the side of his head. As he saw the metal coming towards him, all he could think was: _this is going to hurt like hell._ Then everything went black.

The sign made a loud clanging noise and then Izaya's limp body collapsed on to the ground. Shizuo could only stare as his rage started to subside. He'd actually managed to hit Izaya; finally given the bastard what was coming to him.

"Holy shit." Tom had run over and was looking worried. If Shizuo had murdered someone in the street, this was worse than his usual beatings. Reluctantly he leant down to check the lifeless figure for a pulse. "Oh thank god." This he could live with.

"The little bastard's alive?" It was typical of the smarmy bastard to survive what would kill most people.

"Luckily. Covering up a murder is not on my to do list." They both were distracted from their conversation by Izaya starting to twitch. Slowly his eyes opened, the one on his left side already starting to show a mark from the impact.

For a minute he lay and stared up at the ground, his eyes struggling to focus. Shizuo was starting to feel his rage returning and picked up the sign again, ready to finish the job. The man on the ground had noticed the movement and glanced in Shizuo's direction.

"Why can't you just die?" He swung the sign back again and instead of moving, Izaya closed his eyes and flinched. There had even been a small amount of fear there. The unexpected action confused Shizuo who moved his weapon slightly and implanted the sign into the ground next to Izaya's head. Both of them were panting and staring at each other.

"Shizuo?" Tom slowly moved forwards. "What's going on?"

"What the fuck are you trying to pull?"

"…Why are you angry?" He sounded uncertain, something that had never happened in all the time he had known him.

"You… You know why I'm angry! It's your fault!"

"Um… Who are you?" This was met with a stunned silence.

"…Are you fucking with me?" His eyebrow was twitching and the veins on his forehead were bulging. Izaya, flinching in pain from the hit on the head he'd taken earlier, slowly sat up. His head was killing him, his body hurt whenever he moved, and on top of all that he had another question to ask. As the blonde man was currently twitching with repressed hate, he decided to direct this question to the other guy who seemed much friendlier.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Ok?"

"…Who am I?" Tom and Shizuo just stared. This was definitely beyond the scale of weirdness that they were used to.

-Page Break-

Shizuo sat on the black, leather armchair, tapping his foot on the ground and glaring across the room at Tom who was pretending not to notice. Shizuo hadn't known what to do. On the one hand he could've easily killed Izaya. But he wasn't a monster, no matter what people called him. Even he couldn't bring himself to attack someone who apparently didn't know what they'd done. If he was telling the truth anyway. Shizuo doubted this was the case.

Tom had been the one who'd suggested they should take him to see Shinra. The guy knew Izaya well so would spot the fakery, and they wouldn't have to feel as if they were leaving an injured person alone on the street. Izaya had struggled to stand up and so Tom had had to let him lean up against him. Shizuo had downright refused to touch him.

When they'd explained the situation to Shinra he had been sceptical, but once he'd clocked Izaya's confused expression, he'd led him into a back room. Shizuo and Tom were waiting in the front room in tense silence.

"What's taking him so long?"

"Just try to relax. We're going to find out what's going on." Tom knew the man was getting frustrated and tried to speak in a soothing tone. Personally he wanted to know what had happened. He was being kind of nosy. When Shinra emerged, he almost recoiled at the intense stare he received from both of the men.

"Well?" Shinra had ducked behind the doorway.

"…You guys are kind of intimidating."

"Just tell us what happened!" Shinra sighed and stepped out.

"How hard did you hit him?"

"Hard."

"Right…" What else could he have expected from Shizuo? "Well whatever you did, he doesn't seem to remember anything. Names, places… Weird right?" His interest wasn't shared by the others.

"And?"

"And?"

"What can you do about it?"

"Nothing. In this kind of situation you just have to wait to see if he remembers anything on his own."

"I see…" Shizuo stood up. As far as he as concerned that was the end of it. The man was 'fine' so he could leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Um…" He really didn't like the way Shinra was hesitating. "Do you think you could maybe take Izaya with you…?"

"What?!" Shinra physically recoiled from the volume.

"He can't really stay on his own at home since I don't know if he can look after himself…"

"You have him!" They had apparently been friends in middle school after all.

"I can't! I'm too busy."

"You're too busy? You?! You're basically a shut-in, you never bloody do anything!"

"Ouch. Harsh. I do work from home thank you very much! Besides… I don't want to be dealing with him right now."

"You think I do?!" Shizuo had never been able to stand the little bastard so that didn't make sense at all.

"Well it was your fault." This he regretted saying instantly as Shizuo stuck his fist through the wall. "Ah! I just had that re-plastered!" Things like this happened frequently with Shizuo around.

"Send him to his family or friends or something!"

"His family aren't the nurturing type… And he doesn't have anyone he could ask." He'd tried phoning Izaya's secretary but she had just said 'good' and hung up.

"Why are we even talking about this? He's faking it!" Izaya was clever so you could never trust him.

"I don't think he is Shizuo." Tom could remember how confused he'd seemed. That would've been hard to fake, even for Izaya.

The fact that both of them appeared to be yelling at him meant that Shizuo was getting very frustrated. Deep breathing had never helped in calming him down and so he decided to get rid of his rage in the usual way; taking it out on random furniture.

"Wait! I like that table! Shizu-… Ah. Well… I guess it does look better in the middle of the road…" Celty was going to be livid when she got home.

"Just tell him to leave!" If they threw him out, he'd have to give up playing that stupid game and go home.

"Would you throw a small kid out in the middle of the street in an unfamiliar place? Because it would be the same thing."

"It would be if he wasn't lying. Can't we just take him back to his apartment?"

"It's not just that he'd have problems looking after himself. People don't really like Izaya… As you well know. A lot of people might see this as an opportunity."

"So you want me to be his babysitter _and_ his bodyguard?" A chair joined the table in the middle of the street.

"…Please stop destroying my home."

"Right! I am going to prove to you guys that he is a fucking liar!"

Shizuo stormed out of the room, slamming open all the doors in the hallway until he found the room Izaya was in. The man was sat on some kind of examining table (Shinra was running an underground surgery in his home after all) and staring blankly at the wall. When he saw the person he recognised as the man who had tried to kill him earlier, he didn't look overly keen.

"You! Stop fucking around!"

"Fucking around?" Izaya tensed up. This man kept yelling at him and trying to attack him. He didn't know what it was that he had done either.

"You little-." Shizuo was at him in seconds, grabbing him on the shoulder and forcing him into the wall. As this was the same shoulder that he had clipped with the bin earlier, it hurt a lot.

"Please! That really hurts!" He was grimacing. His arm felt like it was about to be wrenched out of its socket.

"Admit you're faking it!"

"I don't know what you mean." The confusion, pain and general exhaustion meant that he couldn't deal with this situation very well. It was a horrible feeling but he couldn't help it. He started crying.

"What are you-?"

"Please let go! I don't know what you're talking about. Just let go, please. I don't know what I did but I'm really sorry." Izaya Orihara was crying. And begging. No matter how good he was at faking it, Izaya had too much pride to do anything like that. He wasn't sure the man was capable of emotion. Shizuo released the man and backed off, staring with a mixture of horror and revulsion. Shinra and Tom had waited for the shouting to stop before they went to survey the damages.

"Damn Shizuo, I'm gonna need to give him something for that arm now."

"He's not faking it."

"He isn't." Tom could understand why the man was shocked. "What are you going to do?"

"What?"

"Someone needs to keep an eye on him, it might be better if it was you."

"Why me?" If anything he was the worst person.

"Because if anyone tries to kill him, you can defend yourself. We can't so much." This made more sense. People didn't like to screw around with Shizuo.

"…If no one else will do it." If Tom insisted then he would have to. He owed the guy a lot after all. "But when his memory comes back, I'm killing him."

"Fair enough." Shinra had heard this exchange and breathed a sigh of relief. Celty wouldn't have liked having Izaya in the house. And he wouldn't remember that she was headless either, something that would probably lead to panic.

"Izaya?" The man looked at Shinra. "That's Shizuo. You're going to be staying with him until you feel better, ok?"

"Him?" It seemed Izaya shared Shizuo's opinion. "But he hates me."

"It's ok. He's actually a nice guy, he just has a bit of a temper." Izaya glanced back at Shizuo, staring at him like a watchful feral cat.

"Can I go then?" If he had to take Izaya home, he'd just take him back and stick him in his flat so he could leave him there. As long as he kept an eye on the man and made sure he didn't die (until he regained his memories at least), that was all he needed to do.

"Yep!" Shinra hopped up and handed Shizuo a small paper bag. "Painkiller for his shoulder. Just in case."

"Fine." Shizuo looked over at Izaya, who was still giving him that uneasy stare. "You. Get up." It was hard to know how to talk to the man since they never spoke civilly. Not to mention the fact that Shizuo wasn't much of a talker either. Izaya reluctantly got to his feet, almost falling over as he did.

"Maybe you should carry him?" Shinra regretted saying this when he saw Shizuo's face.

"Maybe you should shut your mouth."

 _ **This is a random fic I felt like writing so I'm just gonna try it out and see how it goes :3 It's probably been done before but I wanted to try this story and if I don't upload it, it's unlikely to get finished XD Thanks for reading and any feedback would be much appreciated.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

Getting Izaya home had not been very enjoyable. Tom had gone to finish the last job of the evening, leaving the blonde completely alone with the flea. The streets were still busy in spite of it being quite late and Izaya simply stared at his surroundings with an air of befuddlement. Although he could walk, he seemed uneasy on his feet and had to grip the handrail to get to the bottom of the stairs outside the building.

If it had been anyone else, Shizuo would've gone over and helped them. As this was the bane of his existence, he didn't want to do anything. His conscience was not pleased and so was complaining loudly, but he forced it down. The idea of touching Izaya physically repulsed him. Instead he waited for the man to finish.

"Follow me." Clearly he was already doing that but Shizuo didn't have much of a way with words. Not to mention the fact that Izaya seemed to be finding it difficult to process things at the moment and so probably hadn't noticed the repetition.

The eyes were what bothered Shizuo the most. Normally they held a sort of mocking look with undisguised dislike; now they looked at him with a mixture of confusion and fear. For Izaya, this man had attacked him several times and so he was wary of the strange seeming blonde. At the same time, he didn't have a clue who he was, where he was and where he was going. He needed Shizuo and so was attempting to stay as close as possible.

Shizuo did not exactly feel comfortable about having this asshole so close to him and so without thinking, he started speeding up. With the volume of people and the difficulty he was having in keeping his balance, Izaya started to lose sight of him.

"Wait! Shizuo!" Shizuo knew that Shinra had told Izaya his name but hearing it spoken with that voice gave him chills. He did stop and wait though. Izaya was panting from the exertion and without thinking, grabbed the blonde's arm to steady himself. The sudden contact took him by surprise and Shizuo pushed him away.

"Don't touch me!" He knew he was being unfair. The man hadn't been told not to touch him and he was also suffering from brain damage. Shizuo felt like a twat but it was hard to get rid of eight years of deeply ingrained behaviour. Izaya nearly fell over trying to steady himself and was staring at Shizuo with a look of hurt.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he stared down at the ground. This demure Izaya was creepy.

"Whatever." Shizuo did not like this at all. Nevertheless, he did slow down so the man had no trouble following him. A few times Izaya walked into his back and it took a lot of self-control to avoid attacking him automatically. It was exhausting.

Shizuo's apartment wasn't exactly huge but was enough space for just him. With a second person it would be a little more uncomfortable. He only had one bedroom which was the main issue but he knew he could find a way around it. Although he didn't lose his temper as much at home, there were still some holes in the wall.

The apartment was made up of a medium sized living room with a small table, a TV and not much else. This opened out into a small kitchen. Through the door at the other side of the room was a short hallway with a toilet/bathroom on one side and the bedroom on the other. He could've afforded something a little better, but he was satisfied with what he had.

Izaya gazed around the room with some curiosity but mostly he was too exhausted to really pay attention. All he wanted to do was sleep but he was afraid to ask. The blonde was still pretty tense. Shizuo knew that Izaya lived in a large apartment in Shinjuku (as was typical of the showy bastard) and he glanced back to see what the flea's reaction would be. The man was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Ba-." He just managed to stop himself from insulting him. "Izaya." The wine coloured eyes met his. "Come with me."

Having that blank face looking at him creeped him out. Shizuo looked away and marched awkwardly into his bedroom, very aware of the figure stumbling down the hallway behind him. His room wasn't exactly messy but he had left a few empty cups in there and the futon was crumpled up. After pulling an old shirt out of the top drawer, he handed it to Izaya who cautiously took it.

"Sleep there, wear that." And he left him alone. There was a blanket he kept in the front room for emergencies so he could sleep under that. The place was a sauna since it was on the third floor. Sleeping knowing the hateful flea was only in the other room would be difficult but he would manage.

He stuck the TV on and sat on the ground, sighing as he did. This was a massive pain in the ass. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cigarette packet. He only had two left. Even better. With a frustrated growl, he stood up and stalked out of the front door. There was a twenty-four hour convenience store down the road and he needed his nicotine fix. Stress made him crave it more.

Several cigarette packets and a few pudding cups acquired, he wondered down the street with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth. Binge-smoking and binge-eating. Not a good idea but he needed it. He was comfort eating.

Back at his apartment, he had only just taken off his shoes when Izaya put his head around the door. He looked hesitant and Shizuo just stared at him. Stared for so long the cigarette in his mouth burned to the end and he dropped it with a curse.

"Um… Shizuo?"

"What?" He didn't want to snap at him but his voice still came out as harsher than he had originally intended. So much so that Izaya stepped back a little. "What do you want?" He softened his voice a little.

"Can you help me?" He didn't look happy to be asking Shizuo.

"With what?" He'd hoped that this was over for the night.

"I can't get my shirt off." Shizuo just stared. Izaya opened the door more and stepped out to show that he was still wearing his own shirt.

"Why?"

"My shoulder."

"Oh." He had hit it pretty hard so it was no surprise that his mobility would be affected. It suited that he would be the one to help him since it was his fault. "Ok…"

Back in the bedroom, he could see that Izaya had flattened out the futon and folded his jacket up on the side. He was staring awkwardly at the blonde. Considering how talkative he normally was, it was unsettling. Izaya considered the blonde to be a complete stranger and so it was hard for him to talk easily. Shizuo pulled his shirt up and over his head, sliding it off of his arms. Izaya's left shoulder was covered in a large purple bruise and his upper torso was covered in scars. Combined with the black eye also forming on the left of his face, he looked pretty terrible. Most of these old scars were likely caused by him and he ended up staring for longer than he should've done.

"…Is that ok?"

"Would you mind putting the other shirt on?" Izaya noticed the annoyance and quickly added a "please."

"Sure…" He didn't like the way the man was looking at him; with a particularly curious, partially wary look. Izaya obediently held his arms out when Shizuo picked up the shirt. Once this was done he stepped back. "…Good night."

"Night…." He almost ran out of the room.

-Page Break-

Shizuo didn't have a good sleep that night. The floor was harder than he thought and he kept thinking about the Orihara in the other room. In the end, he got up at six in the morning and quickly changed his clothes. Izaya was so deeply asleep he didn't notice the blonde moving in and out of the room. The flea was bundled up under the sheet of the futon and barely moved at all.

Before he left, he made sure to leave a glass of water and a few bits of toast on a plate on the table. If he was leaving for most of the day, he should leave him some food after all. For a moment he considered waking the man up to check he hadn't gotten worse (you could get serious damage from a knock to the head) but he stopped. It was Izaya, not a normal person. So he left to meet Tom.

"How's the new roommate?" Was the first thing he was asked by Tom who had a bit of a smile on his face. Shizuo just scowled. Tom was the closest thing he had to a best friend so he didn't get really angry with him like he did with others.

"I don't know. Still asleep probably."

"Did you leave him anything?"

"If you mean food, then yes." He lit up a cigarette. Just thinking about Izaya was stressing him out.

"How kind you are." Tom flicked through the messages on his phone. "I've got the first address on here."

"Let's go then."

Shizuo was worse than usual today. He was sleep-deprived and in a thoroughly bad mood from his enforced Izaya exposure so he was snapping more easily than he would have done on a normal day. Some of Tom's clients tried to feed him bullshit sob stories that really wound him up. Often he lost it at these people, but today he was punching then without even attempting to talk to them first. Tom just sighed and walked away from the carnage.

"You're pretty high strung today," was what he said to Shizuo whilst sitting opposite him in the restaurant. They were eating parfaits, Shizuo getting several since he was in such a foul mood.

"Sorry Tom…" And as usual he was in the pit of depression over losing it too much. Shizuo hated causing problems for his boss.

"Don't worry about it; I know how much those guys bother you."

"I know… Sorry, I just can't handle things today."

"Maybe you should just go home?" Tom wouldn't get as much done without his bodyguard but he didn't want Shizuo getting into one of his cycles of depression again.

"No." He slammed down his coffee cup a little too hard, smashing it onto the table. "…Sorry."

"…Take the afternoon off. Go for a walk or something; clear your head."

"If you'll be ok?"

"I'll be fine. Just sort yourself out." Tom did care about the blonde after all. The guy didn't deserve all of the bullshit he got.

"Ok… Thanks Tom."

Obviously Shizuo didn't want to go home. The flea would be awake and he couldn't deal with the awkward socialising with the man he hated. Instead, he walked around the streets kind of aimlessly. People weren't bothering him because of his reputation and as the only person who did bother him was currently in his flat, he had a very relaxing afternoon. Even Simon being his usual obtuse self outside of Russian sushi didn't wind him up.

Once he'd spent a few hours enjoying the relative peace and quiet, his brain decided to kindly remind him that he was currently responsible for a mentally ill person and should probably be checking on them.

Good mood ruined, Shizuo slowly made his way home, chain smoking as he went. When he got to the stage where he craved a cigarette whilst smoking one, he knew it was bad. The blonde scowled to himself at this and when he finally got to his apartment his mood was much worse. Really not a good thing since he needed to be as calm as was possible for him right now.

The sitting room and kitchen were both empty but the plate and glass had showed signs of use. The man was still alive then. Shizuo sighed and made his way to the kitchen where he began looking through the fridge. It seemed he had enough for now. Closing the door, he stood up and turned, only to find that Izaya had managed to walk into the sitting room in complete silence and was watching him.

"Don't sneak up on people!" Yelling was a little harsh but he had been startled and the black haired one flinched.

"I'm sorry." Most of his vocabulary at the moment seemed to consist of apologies.

Shizuo made a huffing noise and turned, opening and shutting cupboards around the kitchen. There was nothing that needed doing but it meant he didn't have to look at the man sitting down by his table.

"Shizuo?"

"What?" He could feel the veins on his temple throbbing already.

"Where were you?" Izaya was staring downwards and fiddling with the shirt he'd borrowed.

"You mean today?" It was hard to decide if the awkwardness was better or worse. Having to work out what he was saying was annoying, but still less irritating than having Izaya smirking at him. Izaya nodded in response. "Work."

"Oh… With the other man?"

"If you mean Tom, then yes." _Eggs… I could fry some._ He grabbed the frying pan and suck it on the stove. More time to avoid going and sitting opposite the psychopath. Shizuo didn't even want to go and get changed in case he was followed. "…You want any eggs?"

"Yes please." The politeness was so out of character that he didn't notice the fat spitting out of the frying pan that he had just started heating. The burning oil hitting his skin left a small burn on it. It seemed that as long as Izaya was like this, he was going to act like a moron.

Once he had finished cooking he dumped one plate in front of Izaya and carried the other to the farthest corner of the room that he dared. Even looking at him was weird so he switched on the TV and tried to focus on that. Although Izaya was silent, he did keep glancing at Shizuo and feeling that gaze was a distraction. After a while he got annoyed.

"Why do you keep looking at me?"

"…Sorry."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I…I wanted to ask some things." He looked hesitant.

"What?" _Probably some bullshit to piss me off._

"How old am I?" Shizuo blinked. Apparently he didn't even know that.

"…23." He knew they were the same ago.

"Oh… And do I have a job, or…?"

"You do something involving information. That's all I know." Very vague but he'd never cared enough to ask for anything more.

"…How do we know each other?" He'd been expecting another question about Izaya himself so hearing one involving him was a surprise. The problem was working out how honest to be.

"High school." And after thinking for a moment, he added "we both knew Shinra?"

"Shinra?" The doctor hadn't given his name apparently.

"The doctor from yesterday." Understanding dawned on his face.

"Oh… So what was our relationship? I mean, were we classmates or friends, or something else?" There was an obvious answer.

"We-." He was interrupted by the phone ringing and he gladly took it. "Hello?"

"Hey it's me. Everything ok there?"

"It's fine." Tom really was a good friend.

"Would you be able to help me then? The next guy's kind of tricky."

"Text me an address, I'll meet you there." This was the escape he'd been praying for. He put the phone down. "I have to go."

"Oh… How long-?"

"A while." He grabbed his cigarettes and nearly ran to the door. "Bye."

"See you-." The door slammed shut, blocking out the man inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

"Did you have to break all of his furniture? Seriously, there's nothing to gain from that Shizuo."

"I'm sorry…" That was all he had been saying for the past half an hour. The client had been tricky as expected and attempted to threaten Tom with a knife. Shizuo had been reminded of a certain flea bastard and so had completely lost his shit.

"There's only one thing we can do now." Shizuo gulped. "You are taking a few days off."

"What?" He had expected to be fired. Tom was a good friend but he was still his employer after all.

"This Izaya thing is just going to bother you otherwise. You need to start thinking of him as someone else."

"Why? It's still that smug bastard!" Just his likeness was enough to drive him into a rage.

"He doesn't remember any of it. To him you're just a stranger. So treat him like one. Forget your history and try talking to him. And then, you might relax a bit more and stop attacking people so much." It made good sense. Of course it did. That didn't mean he liked the idea though.

"And what if I can't learn to deal with him?"

"We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it." Tom clocked the worry in his face and smiled. "This might be good for you Shizuo. You could finally get rid of that weird thing you have."

"As if." Nothing could make him stop disliking Izaya Orihara.

"Just give it a few days and see. I'll phone you when I want you back." And he tapped him on the shoulder and headed in a different direction.

Shizuo pulled out a cigarette in order to steady his nerves. Full days filled with the bastard flea were not ideal at all. He could see them looming up in front of him like an impassable mountain range.

 _What are we even supposed to talk about anyway?_ Aside from telling the man how much of a hated psychopath he was, conversational options seemed limited. But for Tom, he would try.

When he walked back in Izaya had fallen asleep leaning on his table. This was a problem. He didn't want him just walking into the bedroom if Shizuo tried to sleep in there. In the end, he figured he'd move the flea, even if his touch repulsed him.

Izaya weighed practically nothing but this was probably more to do with Shizuo's strength than anything else. The way he picked him up meant their faces were kind of close and so Shizuo tried to avoid looking at him. He was very self-conscious after all. The smell was hard to ignore however. He was wearing Shizuo's clothes but he hadn't showered still and so smelt very much of whatever it was he normally wore.

Having a sensitive sense of smell felt very much like a weakness right now. At least he was only moving him to the next room. Though he got unlucky. Because all of a sudden, a pair of wine-coloured eyes were staring up at him. It was a miracle he didn't drop the guy.

"D-Don't fall asleep on my table, go to bed!" This time it wasn't just anger he was feeling, but embarrassment. As usual he covered it up with rage.

"I was waiting for you to get back."

"Why?!"

"I thought I should?" Shizuo was unused to this kind of treatment and so wasn't sure how to react. All he could do was put the man down.

"Since you're awake, you can walk yourself." And he turned around and walked back in to the lounge, slamming the hall door behind him. He was just so socially awkward that he couldn't deal with anything normally. And Izaya was definitely the worst person for bringing that out in him.

-Page Break-

And the next morning, the awkwardness continued. Shizuo and Izaya staring at each other over the table as they ate breakfast. Not fun. Shizuo was forcing himself to stare at the man. Izaya's facial expressions were very different to what they usually were so he figured if he stared for long enough, he'd stop seeing him as the usual bastard.

Izaya himself was also watching the strange blonde bartender. He seemed more interested than anything else in this person. There was no malice in those eyes; only some unease due to the odd behaviour he'd seen.

"Shizuo?" He hadn't expected talking and so he almost jumped.

"What?" This was kind of shouted but was still a vast improvement to his normal speech.

"Do you have work today?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just wanted to know…"

"I don't have any work for a few days." Inwardly he cursed at himself for revealing this information. He could have used this as an excuse to go out.

"Oh." And there was no further commentary. Some tension seemed to leave his shoulders however. Even that minor interaction had stressed out Shizuo however and so he grabbed a cigarette. The things were rapidly disappearing.

"…Why do you smoke?"

"Because I like it." He hated people nagging at him. He needed his fucking stress relief and if anyone tried to take it from him, he would break their legs.

"Isn't it bad for you?"

"You couldn't remember your own name but you remember that?"

"I don't understand it either…" Izaya was looking at the table, his brows knitted together in confusion.

"…So you really don't remember anything?" This was such a weird thing to happen that Shizuo couldn't even imagine what it would be like.

"Not really…" Izaya spoke carefully. "I remember what objects are, I know how to use them, but I don't remember learning how to use them."

"Oh…"

"How did it happen?" Shizuo froze.

"Well… We were fighting and I hit you with a street sign." Izaya just stared at him.

"I…I can believe that." He'd seen Shizuo trying to plant it into him when he had woken up. "What did I do?"

"…Let's just say it was a lot of stuff and leave it there." After putting out his cigarette, he lit up another one.

"…Can I ask you something more…personal?"

"…Fine."

"How'd you lift that street sign?"

"I just did. I get angry, I lift anything I can get." And as usual he felt uncomfortable talking about it. It was a sore topic for him. "Can we talk about something else?" He didn't want to get angry.

"…Do you have any family?"

"Are you bullshitting me?!"

"No?!" Izaya looked uneasy at the sudden explosion.

"Why aren't you asking about _your_ family? Isn't that the first thing you should be worrying about?"

"Seeing as no one came for me, I'm guessing I don't really need to know about my family. Or want to know either." Even in spite of brain damage, Izaya was fully capable of working things out.

"I can understand that…" Although they weren't amazingly close, Kasuka would help him if he ever got into a situation like this.

"Am I kind of an asshole?" This time Shizuo started spluttering.

"W-What?"

"I'm just guessing I can't be a great person if people don't want to be around me." Izaya seemed very matter of fact about this.

"You… don't seem very upset about this."

"I guess I'm not…" He sounded surprised at his own reaction. "I'm kind of weird, aren't I?"

"…That's one word." Shizuo was unsettled by this, but when it came to the flea, nothing was beyond him.

"Tell me about you." Shizuo jumped again.

"What kind of things?"

"Anything." Izaya wasn't smirking. Instead he gave him a small smile. Shizuo wasn't sure what to make of this.

And so he just told him some basic stuff. Like the fact that he had a younger brother, that he'd had many jobs, his best friend Tom, his oldest friend Shinra, that he was incredibly strong…. None of it went into any kind of detail though. The flea could never be truly trusted and so he wasn't getting any deep emotional crap.

"Any more?" And he still wanted to know something.

"…How about I tell you stuff about you?" Not that he knew much but he didn't like talking about himself.

"…I'd rather not."

"Why?"

"I don't know…" Izaya looked kind of puzzled. "I'm not sure I want to know about me that much."

"You did before."

"Yeah… And now it's making me feel kind of sick."

"Probably because you haven't had a bath and now you stink." He'd said it without thinking but it was true. His sensitive nose picked up a lot.

"I do?" Izaya looked down at himself and grimaced. "…Can I use the bath?"

"Sure…"

"I need your help getting changed though."

"Right…" This sucked.

Leading Izaya into the bathroom, he started faffing with the bath, trying to avoid looking at the flea behind him. Undressing another man was awkward as hell and the fact that Izaya seemed unbothered by it all but kept staring at him made it harder.

"You can do the trousers right?" He bloody hoped he could do the trousers. He wasn't doing them, that was for sure.

"I think so."

"Good." At one point he felt like he had made Izaya's shoulder worse as he yanked the shirt off quite harshly. "There."

Being the socially awkward fool that he was, he walked into the door in his attempt to flee. This depressed him more than anything else since he couldn't seem to do anything normally. He only had five seconds of a reprieve (it felt like that anyway).

"Shizuo?" He'd just sat back down and gave a long and frustrated sigh.

"What do you want?"

"I can't wash my hair…"

"…" _Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_ He did not want to see him naked. No way in hell. "…Wait there."

Izaya was sat on the stool, completely naked. He didn't seem as embarrassed at this situation. Shizuo, wanting to get this over with, marched over and grabbed the shampoo. He was so awkward that he knew he was probably rubbing the guy's skin off.

"Could you not be so rough please?" Izaya was flinching as he said this.

"…Sorry." It had always been hard for him to judge his strength.

Once the shampoo had been washed out, he made his excuses and dashed out the door. He was so obvious that he doubted Izaya didn't notice his dislike, even in his addled state.

Izaya was in the bath for so long that even Shizuo began to be concerned. Not that he cared or anything but he didn't want him dying in his bath. With a sigh, he marched to the bathroom and tapped lightly on the door. Sadly his lightly left a small dent in the door. He was clearly agitated.

"Oi, Fl-Izaya. You alive?"

"Yes?" And he sounded completely fine. "Is something wrong?"

"No!" And cursing his loud shouting he stormed back to the peace of the lounge. He even turned up the TV stupidly loud in an attempt to block out his irritating and dysfunctional brain.

Izaya appeared not long after wearing only boxers and staring again.

"Can you help me with the shirt?"

"Fine!" And after he'd done this, he was once again made to feel like an idiot.

"I have a home, right?"

"Obviously."

"So…Could we get some clothes from there? I mean, isn't it a problem if I'm always stealing yours?" Shizuo just stared at him. He hadn't considered that at all. Izaya had a load of things in his flat that they could have easily used. And even brain damaged, he had worked this out faster than Shizuo had.

"…Excuse me a second." Shizuo calmly stood up and exited the flat. Two crushed street signs and a downed wall later, he returned. "Yes that would be a good idea."

"Were you ok?"

"Yes."

"But you-."

"I'm fine!" Aside from being a completely useless moron of course.


	4. Chapter 4

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

"Haven't we already been this way?"

"No."

"But that sign-."

"I know what I'm doing!" Shizuo was puffing heavily on his cigarette and trying not to punch anything.

He had been to Izaya's flat before of course. The last time had been when he had been attacked by the slasher and had gone to attack the informant. It hadn't been him that time but you could never be certain with Izaya.

But because he was feeling kind of flustered at having the Orihara around, Shizuo kept making wrong turns. He was still angry about having Izaya nearby, but he also felt weird since the flea was different from his usual self. The problem Shizuo had was that the streets looked quite alike where they were walking. And because of his short temper, he'd left a few… markers. Like that punched vending machine on the left.

"…Should we call someone?" He turned to scowl at Izaya who quickly looked away. "It was only a suggestion."

"…Dammit!" He pulled out a phone and flicked through his contacts. They answered after only two rings.

"Hell-."

"How do I get to Izaya's? We're lost!"

"Hello to you too Shizuo. It's wonderful to talk to you."

"I fucking mean it Shinra." The doctor meant well but he could not be bothered with pleasantries right now.

"Where are you?" Shizuo glanced around.

"On a street? There's a convenience store… And I think that's a florist-."

"Get to that bookshop just past the convenience store, turn in to the street just after it. Izaya's apartment block is on the third street to the right of that."

"How did you do that?!"

"Because I can see you from here." Shizuo looked across the street. Shinra was waving at him. "I need to go see a patient so I guess I can leave you to it?"

"You can…" Putting the phone down, he marched ahead, Izaya following on quickly.

"…Do you need me to come in with you?" Shizuo turned a questioning glance at Izaya who avoided eye contact. "I mean, I don't remember any of it so is there any need for me to go into… that place?"

"Not really I guess… don't you want to look around your own home?" Shizuo was pretty confused. This had been his suggestion.

"Well… I just don't know." He was reluctant to go in there. Shizuo was slow to read people generally but he had a vague idea in this case. Izaya hadn't wanted to remember anything about himself either. It seemed he was avoiding it and Shizuo couldn't blame him.

Izaya had done a lot of terrible things, with the crap that Shizuo had heard of being only the tip of the iceberg. Possibly Izaya was vaguely aware of this and so did not want to be reminded. But Shizuo was also of the opinion that, amnesia or no, the informant had made his bed and could lay in it.

"You should be picking out your own things."

"Ok…" This hadn't been what he wanted to hear and he could tell the man was dejected. Shizuo quickly forced down any sympathy that he had mistakenly started to feel. It was Izaya Orihara. He may not remember but Shizuo did. And if the guy regained all of his memories, he would no longer be Shizuo's problem. Perfect.

Once they were off of the main street, it became easy to spot Izaya's apartment block. They still hadn't fixed the guard rail from his last visit.

"You have the key?" Wordlessly, Izaya held up a small keychain with a key hanging off of it. Shizuo took it and led him into the building. Izaya lived on the fifth floor and the whole way up in the lift, Izaya was silent. He didn't seem to have recognised any of it but he was nervous.

When they reached the front door, he could almost feel the tension emanating off of him as he put the key in the lock and turned it.

The apartment was exactly what he'd expected. Cold. Clinical, Minimal. Not much of sentimental value. The only things that showed many signs of use were the computer desk and a chess board on the low coffee table. The latter was covered in various pieces from a number of board games and arranged in a mixed up pattern. There was no reason to it at all.

Glancing at Izaya, he could see the man was showing a small amount of relief. Although still anxious, one of the things that had been bothering him had proven not to be a problem. It seemed he hadn't recognised anything like he'd thought he would.

"Any of this look familiar?" He knew the answer already but he still asked.

"No…" Izaya gave a small sigh. "I shouldn't be relieved but…" There was no need to say anymore.

"Want to grab anything?" He shook his head.

"Could you get me some clothes? And maybe if there's any money…"

"Fine." The guy wasn't incapable but it would be quicker this way. And if he left Izaya alone down here a while, he may start looking through things.

The first door he opened proved to be the bedroom and the only room he really needed to bother with. It was just as impersonal as the rest of it with only cupboards and a small table, topped with an alarm clock and lamp, next to a white covered double bed.

Shizuo yanked the wardrobe open, finding rows of shirts and trousers folded neatly, along with a few jackets. The place was so organised that it wasn't hard for him to find a small bag and he soon began stuffing random clothes and shoes into it. It was hard to tell how long Izaya would be staying with him so he just took as much as he could carry.

It was whilst he was packing things, that he noticed a small briefcase at the back of the wardrobe. Now Shizuo was not normally a nosy person. What other people did was their own damn business. But this was the flea and the flea was usually up to no good.

And it was with this in mind that he pulled out the briefcase. It wasn't locked so he flicked the catches up and pulled it open. He'd expected documents of an incriminating nature for blackmail or something equally as sordid; instead he found money. More money than he would make in a year. He slammed the case shut.

 _Fucking flea._ It was just typical that he'd have an obnoxious amount of money lying around. Various explanations passed through his head. It could be blackmail profits, stolen, fake. Or maybe it was an emergency escape fund.

After only a moment's consideration, Shizuo picked it up along with the bag. Izaya had said to grab any money and the man was living with him. This could be his rent for however long he invaded his privacy.

And so he returned to the sitting room area. He'd heard Izaya moving around earlier but now he was sitting on one of the black sofas. Shizuo stopped in his tracks when he saw his face. The man had gone even paler, an expression of horror on his face.

Shizuo followed the direction of his gaze but could see nothing that would cause this kind of reaction. Probably it was something else that he'd seen.

"Oi flea." Izaya jumped and looked up at him with a guilty expression. "I've got everything, let's go."

"R-Right." He seemed twitchy as he stood, glancing around with an air of unease.

"Unless you wanted anything else?"

"No! No… I'll be fine." Definitely strange. Shizuo wasn't going to pry though. It was none of his business and the flea no less. It wasn't until they were in the lift that Izaya spoke again. "What did you get?"

"Clothes, shoes… money."

"Was there much?" Shizuo held up the briefcase. "…There's some in there?"

"More than I earn in a year." Izaya blanched.

"Why did I need that much money?" He put his hand on his head and scowled. He even began muttering to himself. Shizuo couldn't quite catch any of it.

"I plan on taking it for rent."

"Of course." He was suspicious of the way he accepted that so quickly but Izaya didn't seem to have an evil plan of any kind. Something weird had happened to him and it had disturbed him.

As they walked, Shizuo had to keep constant watch over the flea to make sure he didn't get lost. It was a pain in the ass and did not improve his mood. However, the icing on the shit cake that was his life right now came when he witnessed just how hated Izaya was.

They were turning a corner when a man came running at them with a knife. Usually this kind of crap happened to Shizuo frequently, but this time it was Izaya who was the target of the attack.

"My girlfriend killed herself because of you, you piece of shit!" Izaya had little time to react and if Shizuo hadn't grabbed the man and flung him across the street, Izaya would have been dead.

"Is there anyone you haven't pissed off?" He did regret saying this a small amount when he saw how horrified the flea looked.

"…Am I despicable person?"

"The worst." He didn't believe in mincing his words. This was the truth. He had always hated Izaya.

"I see…" He gave a small sad smile. It was strange. Like a kind of acceptance.

"Can we move? I don't want to be waiting around for more people to try to kill you, ok?" Using his strength always upset him.

"Of course."

It was an uncomfortable walk home with Izaya; even more so than that first night. The atmosphere emanating off of him almost had a physical presence. Shizuo didn't want to think about him or show that he cared anyway. Of course he didn't care! But one thought still passed through his mind; 'What are you worrying about so much?'

-Page Break-

He was terrified. That was the only word for it. Thinking back on his memories made him uncomfortable so he had tried to avoid it. But he'd found something in that flat that had hit him hard.

Whilst Shizuo had been getting clothes, Izaya had found himself wandering over towards his desk. He avoided the papers and the computer but his attention had been caught by a cupboard.

There was nothing especially interesting about it. Probably it contained more files. But he'd looked. Had to look. The key had been right there, in his pocket. The door swung open easily, revealing binders and files. Not very interesting.

But he knew that wasn't all. Without much thought he found himself pulling back the folders. Something was back there, something of interest. But when that something was revealed he froze. Sickness rose up at the back of his throat and he felt cold all over.

There was a jar pushed back there with a woman's head inside. Questions swam up around his head but he'd forced it all away. Pushing everything back in, he shut the cupboard again and moved to sit on the sofa.

And ever since he'd been thinking about it. That head. What, why, who? And then the man. He'd made his girlfriend kill herself. Was that head her? Someone else he'd goaded into suicide? Someone he'd outright killed? He couldn't remember anything about Izaya Orihara and right now, he knew he'd be happy to never remember again.

He looked at the back of the tall blonde in front. The man protecting him didn't even like him. No one liked him. What had he done? Izaya knew right then that he couldn't go back to whatever he had been. This was a fresh start. His memories could stay gone. And he would begin a new life with this Shizuo. Maybe, just maybe, he could get this man's forgiveness for whatever he'd done. And then at least that would be one less person who hated him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

Sleep had not come easily that night. Every time Izaya tried to close his eyes, images of the head lurking in his apartment came swimming up from the darkness. Shizuo had probably noticed that Izaya was pre-occupied but hadn't commented on it. This, he knew, was probably to do with how little he cared for Izaya. He was pleased of this though. It was something he didn't want to talk about.

The main dilemma he had was what to do about it. Where he had left it was somewhere anyone could find if they searched hard enough. If that happened, he could be in real trouble. Murder wasn't something he wanted to be charged for, nor accessory to murder. He didn't want to go back there either though. Along with the discomfort involved in handling a severed head, he had no idea of how to dispose of it without being caught.

When he realised that his main feeling was frustration at himself for keeping hold of something like that, he felt sick to his stomach. Izaya didn't know much about himself but he couldn't have been a decent person. No normal person would think like that surely.

After a long and sleepless night, Izaya felt completely drained. He had no idea what to do with himself. Shizuo was sleeping in the front room still and he didn't want to disturb him. The man disliked him enough, he didn't want to make it any worse.

This was his main preoccupation right now. He needed to make it up to Shizuo somehow. Whatever he had done, it was something bad enough for this guy to want him dead. How exactly you could repair that kind of relationship he didn't know.

With no sleep, he'd had plenty of time to think things over. At the moment he had no idea what he could do to help but he knew he was probably at least competent at cleaning. Cooking may be a little harder but still possible. This was something he could do for Shizuo. They had taken the money from his flat but he still wanted to help more.

Shizuo was still sprawled out asleep on the ground when Izaya emerged from his room, fully dressed. He hadn't yet seen Shizuo without a slight scowl and while asleep his brow was still slightly furrowed. It didn't take him long to locate the briefcase (Shizuo hadn't really bothered to hide it) and after taking a small bundle of notes, he slipped out of the door.

-Page Break-

When Shizuo awoke, it was with a start. He'd slept deeply since he was starting to get used to his enemy's presence and so felt more refreshed than he had in days. It was a shame he wasn't going to work.

Before doing anything else, Shizuo went to check on Izaya. He thought the man might still be asleep but the room was empty. As was the bathroom. This caused a bit of an internal conflict. Izaya was a dick; the sooner he was out of his hair the better. But being slightly brain damaged and confused, it probably wasn't good for him to be wandering Ikebukuro alone.

 _Where is he? The fucking moron!_ Shizuo paced the small space between the kitchen area and his table. He didn't want to be worrying but if the man was in trouble, no matter how much he deserved it, he would have to help him. It was during his stressing that he heard a click. The front door slowly swung open and Shizuo charged forward, ready to stop this blatant intruder. He only paused when Izaya's face peered round. Having Shizuo's clenched fist just centimetres from his face was a little unsettling.

"Where the hell were you?!" He didn't want him to know he'd been worrying (it had only been a miniscule amount of worrying) but he couldn't help but shout.

"I thought I'd get some breakfast?" He held up a small carrier bag with a nervous smile.

"Why?" Instantly his guard was up. If he'd gotten his memories back, he may be planning on poisoning him.

"Because you're letting me stay so…" He looked down and shuffled his feet a little.

"Tch. Well tell me next time you leave."

"I'm sorry I worried you." Shizuo, who was in the process of lighting up a cigarette, spluttered.

"I wasn't worried! I just don't trust you!"

"Understandable…" Izaya reached into the bag and revealed a box of eggs. "I can make you an omelette?"

"You remember how to?"

"I think so?"

"…Don't make a mess." It'd be nice to have someone cooking for him for a change. His one girlfriend had cooked for him a couple of times but that had been a while ago and the relationship hadn't lasted very long.

Although he allowed Izaya to cook for him, he wasn't going to let his guard down completely. Shizuo sat at the table, watching his every move. Izaya seemed to have expected this as he didn't make any complaints or look awkward at all. Most of his attention seemed to be on what he was doing. It seemed that he was trying to remember how to do this and was doing everything slowly and carefully.

The food didn't come out as badly as expected. In fact, he was surprised that Izaya seemed to be a decent cook and the food tasted pretty good. Shizuo grumbled to himself that of course this dickhead would be good at cooking. He was an arrogant bastard who was apparently good at everything.

"Is it ok?" Izaya was watching him from across the table.

"It's edible." He wouldn't let him know how good it actually was. Izaya seemed to accept this and continued eating his own.

After this, Izaya started tidying up. It was kind of weird to be cleaned up after when you had lived on your own for years and Shizuo watched him awkwardly.

"Why are you cleaning?"

"To help you a little."

"I don't need it." He didn't want housewife Izaya wandering around.

"It's not like I'm doing anything else."

"But…" He desperately tried to think of another excuse. "You've had a head injury."

"I'll probably be fine." When started wiping down the table and was practically leaning down over Shizuo, the former bartender quickly stood up.

"I'm going to get some cigarettes."

"Should I go get them?"

"No! I need the walk." And he had to get away from this unsettlingly nice and helpful Izaya. It creeped him out.

This was the slowest he'd ever been in walking to the shop. Mainly it was nice to be alone. It was on the way back that his phone started buzzing. As expected, it was Tom.

"Yo, Shizuo. How's everything going?"

"What do you think?" He couldn't exactly be normal with Izaya Orihara in his apartment.

"It's not that bad is it? I mean, he's not his usual demented self."

"But he's being a decent human being! Like, offering to cook and clean! It's creeping me out!"

"He's probably just being nice. Don't worry about it."

"Could you come round tonight? I don't want to spend the whole day alone with him." He couldn't handle or deal with that much awkward conversation.

"If you like? Has he remembered anything yet?"

"No. I think that stupid flea is trying not to."

"Why?"

"To piss me off probably."

"I doubt it. He can't remember you."

"He's still probably as much of a jerk as usual." Shizuo couldn't help himself; he could never believe anything good of Izaya.

"I'll be round as soon as possible, ok?"

"Thanks Tom." He hung up the phone and exhaled deeply. He wouldn't have to be alone with this for the night.

Izaya was still cleaning up when Shizuo returned and he gave him a small smile. He almost looked like a normal person.

"Did you get your cigarettes?"

"Obviously." What did he think he'd been doing? He shoved another cancer stick in his mouth and prayed for time to move faster already so Tom would get here.

-Page Break-

"I brought us some mochi and beer." Tom held up a bag and smiled.

"Thanks for this." He wasn't just thanking him for the stuff. Shizuo had been feeling weird all day and hadn't been able to talk to Izaya. It was hard to get angry when someone was being so nice.

"So how's things?" He spoke quietly.

"Weird. He's too nice!" Shizuo glanced back at Izaya who was sitting calmly by the table.

"Too nice?" Tom raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean!" Tom smiled and made his way over to Izaya.

"Are you feeling better?"

"A little thanks." The older man sat next to him.

"Want some mochi?"

"Ok." Shizuo just stood and watched this strange scene of domesticity.

"You gonna stand there all night Shizuo?" He glared and sat down opposite them.

"You're Shizuo's friend right?"

"Yep. And his boss. Does he mention me much?"

"A little?"

"Only a little? I'm pretty much all of his social life, along with Shinra."

"I have other friends!"

"Do you?" They were both staring at him.

"…Thanks a lot Tom."

"What have you guys been doing then?"

"We went and got some stuff from Izaya's place."

"Good idea. Anything seem familiar to you?"

"No…" It was hard to tell if he was being quite truthful or not.

"I see…" Tom was staring at him and for a moment, silence persisted. Shizuo had had enough of awkward silences.

"Are we going to open the beer then?"

"Of course." Tom held one out to Izaya, who took it awkwardly.

"So how's work been?" He asked as he snapped open his first can.

"The usual. A few sob stories, a few who actually paid up."

"No one gave you any grief did they?"

"One guy tried but he was a bit useless so it didn't quite work."

"Prick. I'll deal with him when I get back."

"Just don't kill the poor guy."

Izaya sat and watched Shizuo and Tom talking whilst taking small sips from the beer can. Shizuo seemed to forget that he was there and started to relax a little. He even smiled, something that Izaya hadn't seen before.

They were taking for a long time and Izaya simply listened. None of the names were familiar to him (with the exception of Shinra) but he tried. He wasn't interested in what these unknown people were doing, only in finding possible ways to make Shizuo more amiable towards him. The chance to find this out came when Shizuo went to acquire more beers. After much complaining from him about having to always run errands, he left the two of them alone.

"Can I ask you a few things?" He decided to go straight to the point.

"Ok…?"

"…What kinds of things does Shizuo like?"

"Anything specific you want to know?"

"Like food?"

"Well he likes sweet foods. Milkshakes and ice cream sundaes especially."

"I see…"

"…You're interested in getting along with Shizuo then?"

"I don't remember anyone else, and he's letting me stay here."

"…There's no other reason?" Izaya stared blankly.

"No." Tom scrutinised him closely for a while. Eventually he seemed satisfied and leaned back.

"I had to make sure. Because you and Shizuo have a hell of a lot of history."

"I've heard a little…"

"Then you'll know why I'm suspicious." Izaya nodded. "Ok, you've seen Shizuo's strength by now. He can't control it when he gets angry, he's struggled with it since he was a child. Lots of people are scared and avoid him because of that so…. I'm trying to tell you not to hurt him."

"I don't want to." Izaya was aware he had already hurt him.

"Shizuo could easily kick your ass if you did anyway."

"…" Izaya could imagine that. It wasn't a pretty picture. At this point, Shizuo stumbled back in with another bag of beers.

"…Why are you guys staring at me?"

"No reason~." Tom smiled up at him, earning him and Izaya another Shizuo-scowl.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fraternising with the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

" _Maybe you guys should go for a walk. You know, to jog his memory a little? You could go to some of the places that you've… visited."_

 _Stupid Tom._ Shizuo clicked his tongue. Why did he always follow his advice? Why couldn't he just ignore it sometimes? _Because I'm stupid. That's why._

It was incomprehensible to Shizuo that he could be expected to know the places that the flea usually frequented; they only met at random and never for very long. And Shizuo was normally clouded over with rage so not paying much attention to what was going on around him. In the end, he'd picked West Gate Park. This was where they often fought so he guessed Izaya liked the place.

They were now sitting on a park bench in front of the fountain, amongst the salarymen eating their lunches and tourists snapping photos. In this kind of environment, Shizuo felt really out of place, especially with Izaya next to him.

The black clad man hadn't said much, only staring blankly around him at the scenery. It was annoying to Shizuo; Shinra had said that if his memories were going to return, they would come when it was time. Shizuo wanted it to happen now.

"Any of this feel familiar?" _It better do._

"No…" Izaya looked so apologetic that it annoyed Shizuo further. It wasn't something to apologise for. The man couldn't really do anything right but that was more to do with how Shizuo viewed him at this point.

"Maybe we should move on somewhere else then." This just felt like a waste of time if it didn't help.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Maybe you should pick."

"I don't really know where I want to go…"

"Tch." He shoved a cigarette into his mouth to quell the rising anger. In spite of the heat, he could see Izaya trembling a little. "Problem?"

"No." _Don't fucking shake then._

"Let's go." He sat up suddenly and he saw Izaya nearly tripping over in an attempt to keep up.

It was in the middle of the day so although still crowded, the streets and park were filled with fewer people than there would be in a few hours. To make up for his moods, Shizuo walked at a slower pace than usual so Izaya could keep up without too much effort.

He really didn't know if Izaya ever went there but Shizuo headed straight to the café he and tom usually frequented. He deserved a parfait dammit! More specifically, his favourite, extra-large strawberry. It creeped him out that this annoying creature was just as irritating when quiet as he was when talking.

 _No. He's not going to ruin my fucking parfait. No fucking way._ And with a small grimace, he shoved the spoon into his mouth. This delicious food could still be enjoyed even with bad company. He was halfway through when he noticed that Izaya had only had a couple of spoonfuls.

"Not eating flea?" _I paid for that!_

"I…I don't think I like sweet things that much."

"You could have fucking said so!" _Deep breaths… Take deep breaths._

"I didn't know. Sorry."

"Tch." He stood up and stalked away. He returned a few minutes later with a coffee ice cream. "There." He slammed it down in front of him.

"You didn't need to do that."

"Well I did so shut up." He didn't want gushing and gratitude.

This time he could barely see the spoon as Izaya was practically shovelling it into his gob. It looked more refined than when he ate though.

"How did you know I'd like that?"

"I guessed." Izaya had always seemed like the kind of person who liked coffee; one of the things Shizuo hated.

"And you love sweet things."

"How ever did you guess?"

"Tom told me." He hadn't expected a response to the sarcasm.

"You asked?"

"Yeah… I wanted to know the kinds of things you like."

"Why?" _Probably to use to annoy me later._

"So I know what to do for you." _…I don't believe that._ "Any other things you like?"

"…Cigarettes." That was all he was going to tell him.

"Ok…" Izaya stuck the spoon into his mouth and stared out the window at that passing crowds. By this point, there were a fair few Raira academy kids wandering around in full uniform.

"Those clothes…" Shizuo's gaze returned to Izaya. The Orihara was staring at the passing students. "They look familiar."

"You haven't seen them yet?" They hadn't been outdoors during the times they would be around. Izaya shook his head. "…It was our old high school." He gripped hard, bending the spoon in his hand. High school was not the best of times for him.

"I see…" His wine coloured eyes shifted back to Shizuo, staring at him for an uncomfortably long time.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry." The eyes quickly shot downwards. "I was just thinking about what you looked like. I can't remember so… were you blonde then?"

"Yes…" He had started dying his hair in junior high before he first met Izaya.

"It's dyed right?"

"Why are you always asking me questions about me?"

"I want to know."

"I don't want you to know! I don't trust you!" He could see the hurt in those eyes for just a few seconds and tried not to feel too guilty.

"I understand." _Don't understand. Don't be reasonable!_ "Then can I ask… How did we first meet?"

"At high school."

"Were we in the same class?"

"No." These were questions involving Izaya himself so he wouldn't complain. Yet.

"How did we get to know each other then?"

"…You sent a load of people to beat me up because you heard I was strong. Then I tried to kill you. And you stabbed me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"How often have I stabbed you?"

"Often enough." Izaya thankfully went silent after that.

-Page Break-

 _Still quiet… Too quiet…_ Shizuo was glaring at the ground as he walked, trying to ignore the silent figure behind him, as well as the growing sensation of guilt. He couldn't help that Izaya was a bad person and he wasn't going to feel worse for pointing it out.

 _What's with the shaking anyway?_ He'd noticed it a couple of times and it perplexed him more than anything else. It was a warm day so it wouldn't be from the cold.

They'd been walking a while, Izaya shuddering occasionally as they went, and Shizuo was just plain tired. He ended up sitting down on the nearest bench. It was a busy street, the skies darkening and street lights starting to switch on. He lit up a cigarette and watched the passing crowds with little interest. He also paid little attention to the man sitting beside him. At first. It was hard to ignore when someone leant against you. Almost as soon as the contact was made, it was removed.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry." _Pale…_ Izaya had always been pale but today he looked practically translucent. And the shaking. And the hunching over.

"What's wrong with you?" _Not that I care._

"I feel kind of sick." Indeed, he looked it.

"You're not going to throw up on me are you?" Not on the clothes Kasuka had bought him.

"I don't think so." It didn't sound convincing.

"Why are you so sick anyway?" _This better not be insulting my cooking._

"All day… I keep getting headaches. Then I feel cold. Then I feel sick." Shizuo was wondering if this was to do with the head injury. It had been a while ago but he was no doctor.

"Why are you so cold?"

"I really don't know…" Shizuo could see the weird far-off look in his eyes. Along with the strange haunted expression.

… _Is this a mental thing?_ He vaguely knew this could happen. _Damn. What do I do about that?_ Probably he needed to do something.

Shizuo put his arm out and placed it very stiffly around the smaller man's frame. He'd said he was cold so that was something he could do.

"What are you doing?"

"…Warming you up. It doesn't mean anything." Izaya shifted and his body leant up into Shizuo's, taking in the body warmth. For a passer-by, they probably looked like a couple, an idea that deepened Shizuo's scowl. If anyone even looked at him funny, he'd rip their spines out.

The sensation of Izaya shivering lessened over time and eventually he was still. He was also still leant up against Shizuo.

"It's stopped right?"

"I think so."

"Then we can go home." He stood up at such a speed that Izaya nearly fell over.

"Ok… Err… Thanks?"

"Forget about it." Preferably immediately. That was what he had been planning on doing. "Have you been having a lot of headaches?" If Izaya had some kind of physical ailment, he could dump him on Shinra.

"Only when I think about… things."

"Don't fuck with me."

"I mean, when I try to think about the past I guess."

"Oh…" That wasn't a physical problem. "Why?"

"I think I must have read up on this kind of thing because it feels like some kind of anxiety attack… I guess my brain doesn't want to think about some of these things."

"Why?"

"I guess some of it's painful?"

"Does this mean you're forcing yourself to forget?" _That little shit._

"Not on purpose." Shizuo grasped Izaya's shirt and swung round so he was now glaring into Izaya's dazed eyes.

"Don't you give me this shit. You chose to do whatever you did so don't fucking run away! I regret a lot of the shit I've done but I'm not forgetting about it. You're being a coward!"

"I am a coward I guess…." This brought about kind of the opposite effect. "I'm not strong like you."

"I'm not strong dammit!" He was so sick of this crap. "Just because I can lift a vending machine doesn't mean I'm strong. I'm tired all the fucking time, I hate being me! But I deal with it because I have to. It's what you have to do so don't start giving me that kind of bullshit!" And, rant over, Shizuo released Izaya and resumed marching. After only a short pause, he heard him start to follow.

-Page Break-

Shizuo was stubbornly staring at the TV and feeling like shit. He'd spilled personal crap to Izaya and had regretted it instantly. It was only lucky that Izaya hadn't said anything.

The Orihara had silently moved to sit next to him. At first Shizuo had tensed up but when nothing had been said, he'd been lulled into a sense of security.

"Do you really hate yourself?" Shizuo felt a cold chill run down his spine. The question was hesitant; apparently he'd been thinking about that a while.

"That's none of your shitty business."

"But-."

"I'm not going to start getting all buddy buddy with you."

"…I like that you don't lie to me. You just tell me how you see it."

"Good for you." _I don't need your compliments._

"So I want to know, would you be happy if I wasn't around?" Shizuo stared. "I mean, if I died."

"Why are you asking me that bullshit?"

"I don't really know what I was like but I know I wasn't a good person. I know I've done things I shouldn't have done. The only way I can make up for it is by doing something to help someone I've hurt… And the only one I know is you. So if I died, would you be happy?"

"Just stop talking." He wasn't sure why he wasn't saying yes. For the normal Izaya, he would have offered to impale him. This wasn't Izaya…

"Sorry…" Izaya stood and he could hear him retreating to his room. "You shouldn't hate yourself."

"What do you know?!"

"You're helping me even though you hate me."

"Because I have to."

"You don't… And I appreciate it."

"Whatever." The door slid shut and Shizuo just continued to glare at the TV.


	7. Chapter 7

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

It would be easy. So, so easy. Izaya steadied himself. Took a deep breath, and finally looked back down at the knife in his hand. It was quite a large knife, mainly used to chop vegetables. But it was also sharp enough to tear through flesh as one of the cuts on his fingers showed.

Shizuo was currently out, having gone back to work for a few hours. Izaya was completely and utterly alone. He was staying in the kitchen because the floor was covered with lino; any mess would wipe off easily.

He wasn't sure exactly how to do this but he was vaguely aware of some methods. The jugular, he knew, would be quick and effective. The blood loss would cut off the supply to his brain and he would end up unconscious in a matter of seconds. Death would be not long after. It would probably be messy though since he had a good idea that a high pressure vein like that would spray everywhere.

The same problem applied to slashing his wrists. He somehow knew how to do this properly but that would involve the bath and would require more problems for Shizuo. Maybe take too long as well. The cleanest way seemed to be a sharp knife in through the ribs, straight into the heart. This way would be painful, but it would do the trick. Pain wasn't something you should be worrying about if you were planning on killing yourself in Izaya's opinion.

 _I hope Shizuo isn't too freaked out…_ Then he chuckled a little. _He hates me… He'll probably be happy._

Wrapping both hands around the handle of the knife, he turned the point inwards pushing it so it was pressing into the skin. He'd left his shirt back in the bedroom along with his shoes and trousers. He hadn't wanted to ruin them so he'd only left the boxers on. It was perhaps, a little undignified, but the most efficient thing to do.

 _That's all I think about. Something is seriously wrong with me._ If anything, this just solidified his belief that he was doing the right thing. Now it was time to get it over and done with.

The knife had barely penetrated the skin when he stopped. His heart was racing, his breathing was going insane and his hands were shaking. He felt sick, light-headed, and a cold sensation in his skin.

 _I'm scared…_ It made sense of course, but it was reassuring to know that he could actually feel human emotion. Izaya gripped the knife tighter, tried to steady his nerves. But it wasn't working. Aside from anything else the trickle of blood down his navel was distracting him.

 _I can't be distracted. I have to do this. There's no point in putting it off. I need t... I can't._ He lowered the knife. _I can't do it._

Izaya really wanted to do it. Desperately so. But in spite of his determination, every human instinct was fighting desperately to keep his pathetic self alive.

 _I guess I can't even do this right._ In a sad way it was almost funny. Izaya could barely bring himself to move. He just stood there gripping the knife and staring down at the red stain of blood on its point. Maybe he couldn't do it now but some day in the near future, he would be able to finish the job.

Such was his concentration that he was barely aware of any noises outside of his head. Because of this, the first hint he got of Shizuo's presence was a voice, less than two metres away.

"Izaya?" He swung around, probably looking guilty as hell and stared at Shizuo who was currently standing in the doorway and holding a carrier bag. Immediately, Shizuo's eyes were on the knife in his hand. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" It was too fast, too forced. "I was just… cleaning." That excuse sounded poor to even his own ears.

"Cleaning." Shizuo was not the brightest bulb in the bunch but even he looked sceptical.

"Yes…"

"In your boxers."

"….I need to do something." And he slammed the knife down on the counter and retreated to the safety of Shizuo's bedroom.

-Page Break-

Shizuo's first thought on seeing Izaya holding a knife was that he was plotting to stab him as soon as he returned from work. But just as he'd been about to charge him, he'd clocked the look on his face and halted. He knew misery when he saw it; it had seemed so foreign on that face.

The guilty expression, the fear in his eyes, all of it made sense. Slowly, Shizuo approached the knife and picked it up from the counter. There was an unmistakable red stain on the end and Shizuo could remember the small trail of red running down Izaya's chest.

Izaya had asked him if it would make him happy if he killed himself; apparently he had really meant it. Now he was conflicted. On the one hand, it would improve his own life. But on the other…

 _Dammit!_ Shizuo stuck the knife under the tap, removing all traces of the blood and then replaced it in the drawer. His next move was to check the cupboard where he kept all painkillers and medical equipment. To his relief (and annoyance), none of it had been touched. Shizuo grabbed every packet he had and carried them over to the bin, shoving them all in. This done, Shizuo went on the hunt for other objects. The only thing he could think of was the drawer in his room; he had a few ties in there. Normally he would not bother going near Izaya if he could avoid it.

"Flea!" Shizuo practically barked it in the direction of his room. After a few seconds, Izaya put his head round the door, looking fearful but intrigued. "Go have a bath."

"What?"

"Now!" Although confused, he could clearly tell that Shizuo was not to be argued with right now and reluctantly made his way to the bathroom.

As soon as the door was shut, Shizuo was in the bedroom and removing all of the ties he could find, shoving them into a plastic bag and dragging them out to the lounge. Once they were safely hidden in a cupboard, Shizuo sat down and stuck a cigarette in his mouth. The stupid flea was making him stressed.

 _Should have just let the asshole do it._ It would have been less effort for him. Although getting rid of a body would be a pain. Shizuo waited about ten minutes before he started to get annoyed. It wasn't very long for a bath but then Izaya was probably suicidal.

"This is so stupid." He slammed his hands down on the table and jumped up, marching to the bathroom. He hammered on the door. "Flea! What are you doing in there?!" Silence. "Flea!"

… _That shit._ No one committed suicide in his flat without his permission. And Izaya Orihara most definitely did not have his permission. With an irritated roar, Shizuo grabbed the door and ripped it from its frame. Door locks could not stop him.

The bathroom itself appeared to be empty and for a moment, Shizuo paused, not sure where to direct his anger. And then suddenly Izaya's head emerged from under the bathwater. Once he had blinked the water from his eyes, he quickly cottoned on to Shizuo's presence. After staring at each other for a moment, Shizuo coughed.

"I needed something in here."

"Ok…" Shizuo ambled over to the small cupboard he kept in his bathroom and started digging through the assorted bottles and tubs in there. Mainly it was old lotions and shampoos he'd never used, but he made a big show of searching. Izaya only remained in the bath for another few minutes.

"I'm going to get changed."

"Good." Once he heard the door shut, he finally had a good look at his now ruined bathroom door. He was going to need new hinges since the current ones were now snapped in half and the lock was lying crumpled on the floor.

 _Stupid Izaya bastard._ It was certainly his fault that the door had been demolished. For now, he leant it up against the frame.

When a suitable period of time had passed, Shizuo (feeling incredibly awkward) knocked lightly on the bedroom door. Shizuo felt uncertain; he hated uncertainty. Usually when he was uncertain he punched things. In this situation, he was having to use some serious restraint. Izaya opened the door.

"Do you need something?" It seemed that he thought that Shizuo was going to bring up what he had done earlier.

"No! I mean yes!" He always was awkward when he tried. Izaya blinked. "There's a film. On TV. Watch it with me." So smooth.

"Are you sure?" _No. I don't want to look at your stupid face._

"Yes."

"I don't know…" Perhaps he wanted to be alone. This was not an option for him today.

"It's starting now." And Shizuo gripped the incredibly thin wrist and dragged Izaya out of the room and into the lounge, allowing no struggling.

Shizuo deposited the flea on the floor and dropped down next to him, flicking on the TV. He hadn't lied about the film; it was one of Kasuka's. It was possibly one about vampires or maybe it was about androids? Shizuo wasn't sure. He just enjoyed watching his little brother act.

"That man…" Izaya spoke only a couple of minutes into the film. "He looks a lot like you."

"He's my younger brother."

"Oh… You really do look alike."

"I've heard." People didn't really notice it that much since Shizuo Heiwajima and Yuuhei Hanejima weren't really in the same world. But if you looked closely enough, you could see that when Shizuo relaxed his face was almost identical to Kasuka's.

"Except you're more…" _Angry? Tetchy? Hateful?_ He just waited for the insult. "Lively." That was a new one.

"What does that mean?" It didn't sound like an insult.

"Well I can't tell much since I've only seen your brother for five minutes… But when your face changes, your expressions seem more extreme. Like your emotions I guess."

"They would do." Shizuo huffed and returned to watching the film. He didn't like that Izaya still seemed to be analysing him.

Halfway into the film, Shizuo remembered why he didn't watch this one very often. Kasuka may have been an amazing actor but the plot was downright terrible. His brother tended to act in any film he was offered so often that many of them were bad. His fans still loved him though.

"This film is pretty bad isn't it?" Izaya seemed more nervous at commentating but smiled awkwardly. Perhaps it was relief that nothing had been mentioned yet.

"It is."

"Your brother is a good actor though."

"I know." He'd never been jealous of his brother's success. He was happy as long as Kasuka was happy. "He's been in better films."

"I'd like to see some of those sometime. Well maybe I already have seen them, I don't know."

"I've got some on VHS."

"VHS?"

"What?!" Shizuo was very defensive of the VHS player; he wasn't doing it because he hated new technology, he just liked recording Kasuka's films from the TV.

"Aren't these quite old?"

"Maybe I like them that way!" Rather than lose his temper, he grabbed one of the good films and shoved it in the tape player. He would not give Izaya an excuse to be alone this day.

-Page Break-

In terms of his plan to make sure that Izaya was not alone, Shizuo had succeeded. Aside from when he went to the toilet (not so private since the door had been demolished), Izaya had been stuck with Shizuo. All he could think to do was to keep chucking on videos. It certainly required less conversation.

Now though, Shizuo was facing another problem; bedtime. Obviously he didn't like the idea of sleeping in with Izaya, but it would make it easier to keep an eye on him that way.

When Izaya sleepily announced he was going to bed, Shizuo jumped up at the same time as him in a completely obvious way. Izaya seemed a bit taken aback by the glaring but seemed to be getting used to it.

Once Izaya was in the room, Shizuo picked up the blankets and pillow he'd been using and headed to join him. Izaya was just getting into his futon as Shizuo entered, and he looked somewhat alarmed.

"Is everything ok?"

"I'm sleeping here tonight." And before Izaya could comment further, Shizuo had started setting up his bed.

"Do you want me to go in the other room?"

"No. I just wanted to sleep in my room." From the way he was looking at him, Izaya clearly didn't believe what he was saying but Shizuo made eye contact as if daring him to comment.

"If that's what you want."

Shizuo laid down, facing away from Izaya. Even with the light off he still didn't want to have to look at him. If he heard him move, he'd grab him anyway. At this point, Izaya probably understood that Shizuo was going to watch him after what he'd seen earlier. Knowing this, he was unlikely to try anything so soon. Even so, it was hard to fall asleep that night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

"So when are you going back to work?" Izaya looked towards Shizuo as he asked this, trying not to sound hopeful.

"Tom's ill so I'm taking the week off." This was a lie. The way he hesitated and avoided eye contact made it obvious.

Izaya was certain that Shizuo wasn't leaving him alone because of what he had seen but he didn't want to ask him anything and bring it all out into the open. Even if he was curious as to why Shizuo was apparently concerned.

Shizuo wasn't changing his behaviour that much since he was still easily angered and not overly talkative, but he was making a clear effort to be civil. All this felt was awkward since neither of them tried to have any kind of conversation.

All they really did for the day was sit and watch television and occasionally have quick conversations about food. It was easy to notice how much he was being followed by Shizuo whenever he changed rooms. He even made an excuse to stand around outside the bathroom when he went in, hammering on the (only placed against the frame) door when he spent more than a couple of minutes in there.

Nothing was mentioned by Shizuo and Izaya assumed he was just going to ignore the issue until he slacked off enough for Izaya to slip away. It had been stupid of him to try and do something like that in the flat itself; next time he would have to go elsewhere. Though he had been too scared to do it before, he felt more determined now. He really needed to relieve Shizuo of the burden he had become.

"Get dressed flea." Izaya jolted upwards when Shizuo suddenly appeared next to him.

"Why?"

"We're going out."

"Now?" It was late in the day by this point and sunset was not far off. "Where are we going?"

"You'll find out."

Izaya had to admit that he was nervous of what this could be about. Or maybe he shouldn't be afraid. He wanted to kill himself so he didn't really have the right to be worried about what was happening.

For a few moments Izaya thought that maybe Shizuo would kill him. Perhaps he would be merciful and would give the man what he wanted. But they weren't going towards any deserted areas, instead heading into the busier main streets. There were so many people around that both of them were getting bustled around and, several times, Izaya actually lost sight of Shizuo.

 _This… this could be a good opportunity couldn't it?_ He could slip away quite easily from his watcher and the man wouldn't able to find him. Izaya waited until they met a particularly large group coming towards them and slowly started moving off towards a side road that could lead off somewhere quiet.

A vice-like grip tightened around his arm and Izaya was pulled next to Shizuo and practically dragged along.

"Stay close."

"Ok…" There was no way he was going to get away whilst Shizuo was still this determined.

They were moving towards a large building that Izaya could recognise from the 'first' time he had been there.

"Why are we here?"

"I thought we should see how your shoulder is doing." The man wasn't looking at him.

"That's a good idea." Izaya wondered how obvious it was that his voice was shaking.

 _He's told him… He's going to get this guy to do something… What if he sections me?_ Izaya could feel his chest constricting as he stood in the lift next to Shizuo. His head felt light and he knew his breathing was getting louder. He didn't understand how his companion hadn't noticed.

"Hey guys." Shinra answered the door with a usual smile.

"Hey…" Izaya had his head down and without meaning to, he was gripping onto Shizuo's arm.

"Think you can check his shoulder?"

"Sure. If he hasn't had any problems with it though, it's probably fine."

"Just do your job."

"Ok, ok." Shinra moved aside so they could walk in. "Just don't throw any more of my furniture outside, ok?"

"Well don't piss me off then!" Shinra sighed.

"You can wait in the sitting room. Izaya, follow me."

Shinra performed a full check on his shoulder, only asking occasional questions and getting Izaya to move his arm in certain ways. The whole time Izaya could feel the panic building up inside of him and the walls felt like they were closing in on him.

"That seems to be- Izaya?" It wasn't surprising that he had noticed since Izaya was starting to hyperventilate. "What's wrong?"

"Leave." He only just managed to gasp out. "I want to be alone."

"But you're-."

"Please."

He pulled up his knees and buried his face, waiting for Shinra to finally leave the room. Although Shinra hesitated, he finally gave up on waiting and left the room. Izaya couldn't even start to relax until he heard the footsteps moving down the hall. But even at that point he was shaken.

 _Now I've made it worse._ Izaya had shown him how weird he was getting so now he was scared he could be shut up somewhere. The panic returned and Izaya knew he wasn't going to be able to control it now. In his head, the first words to come up were 'panic attack'. All he was certain of was that he was losing himself and starting to get stuck in whatever this was.

Izaya curled himself up and started to breathe in deeply and slowly. This had to stop before anyone saw but he couldn't quite bring himself out of it.

He became unaware of time or any of his surroundings, only focusing on the breathing. At one point he heard voices talking near him, some raised, some concerned. And then a hand was touching him on the back, gently stroking him and speaking in a soothing tone.

-Page Break-

"What do I do now?"

"Just wait for him to get some rest then take him home."

Shizuo had not had any idea what to do. He'd told Shinra that Izaya was getting stressed about the amnesia and needed to calm down. And he had to ask for something to help him relax a little better. For some reason he hadn't wanted to mention the suicide attempt. It didn't feel like any of his business.

And then Izaya had been freaking out over… Shizuo wasn't sure of that part. He'd only been able to watch as Shinra had calmed him down. They'd left Izaya to sleep it off and recover for a couple of hours.

"Well I have these anyway." Shinra handed him a little bottle of pills. "These usually help with anxiety."

"Thanks…" _I'm not worried about the flea… Screw that…_

"Did something else happen?"

"What do you mean?" Shinra wasn't stupid and Shizuo wasn't good at lying.

"He seems in a bad way. Has he had a lot of panic attacks?"

"Nothing else has happened. He just seems really twitchy." That didn't mean that he was going to tell the truth. He was too stubborn for that.

"If that's your story." This was the point that the sitting room door opened and a very exhausted and pale looking Izaya appeared.

"I feel a little better now…"

"Maybe you guys should stay the night. It's getting quite late."

"I'd rather go… If that's ok with Shizuo."

"Yeah… I don't mind."

"I guess Shizuo can handle any trouble."

It was in the early hours of the morning by this point and the only people really around were gang members and yakuza. Shizuo was no fool in these kinds of things so he stuck to quieter areas and kept Izaya close to make sure someone who knew him didn't decide to take revenge, something that was possible with how many years he had been active.

The informant was quiet and jumpy, staying as close to the bartender as possible. That weird panic attack had clearly taken it out of him. He kept shaking and holding his arms. He was wearing more than Shizuo and yet he was feeling warm.

"You ok flea?" He hadn't wanted to ask but his annoying conscience wasn't letting him ignore the issue.

"..Cold…"

The shivering noise he was making just got on his nerves. In the end Shizuo couldn't take it for that long. After releasing a loud and frustrated growl, Shizuo grasped Izaya by the arms and pulled him upwards so he was on Shizuo's back.

"What are you doing?"

"It's quicker and warmer this way. Don't bother being grateful."

Izaya's arms wrapped around him and Shizuo could feel him pushing up against his back for warmth. He was so light compared to anyone else he normally carried. It shouldn't have been a surprise with how scrawny he was.

The journey was made longer by the detours he had to make to avoid areas that he knew would be a problem. Although it would be easy for him to fight his way through, he didn't want to have to. It would be a massive pain in the ass if he had to protect Izaya the whole time.

When Izaya's grip tightened, Shizuo was suspicious. As he didn't start strangling him, he assumed something was wrong. And then there was some more shaking.

"What are you doing back there?" He did not want to have to deal with another panic attack. He couldn't do anything for the last damn one. "Flea?" The little fucker didn't answer. "Oi!"

"Why?" He was crying. It always made him feel cold when Izaya cried. His voice was so shaky and weak, so unlike his normal smug and mocking tones. "Why are you doing this?"

"I told you, it's quick-."

"Not that. Why did you stop me?"

"Does it matter?" He didn't want to deal with the repercussions of admitting anything.

"Please… Why?" Shizuo was getting twitchy.

"I don't know. Just did."

"Why though? You hate me."

"I still can't let you just die. I would if I could, but I can't. That's it."

"Oh…" And Izaya went quiet once more.

"And what about you?" There was no answer. "You should start explaining flea!"

"What's the point? It won't change anything." Shizuo's eyebrow twitched. He had to react quickly.

Locating the nearest bench, he dumped Izaya onto it and then ran at the unfortunate stop sign that had been sadly placed this close to an angry Shizuo. It was quickly wrenched from the ground and launched into the air with and almighty roar. It flew a good two hundred metres before landing with a clatter on the hard floor. Panting heavily, Shizuo turned back to look at Izaya who was watching with wide eyes.

"See that you piece of shit?! You made me angry! Now spill it! Why are you trying to kill yourself?" He didn't especially care but he felt he had a right to know since he'd had to deal with the aftermath.

"Incredible…" Izaya was still watching him.

"Huh?!"

"I've seen you do some amazing things but… That was just incredible." Shizuo was confused by the whole thing and for a second his brain paused. It wasn't often someone looked at him with admiration over fear. There were more important things to be thinking about however and Izaya wasn't going to distract him.

"Don't change the subject! Why flea?" Izaya flinched.

"I… Um…" The tears were running in thick streams. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"Because you're depressed you dumbass."

"But I don't think I'm sad. I think… I think I'm wrong." Izaya looked up at him and his eyes were filled with a desperate anguish. "I'm wrong. I don't feel things like other people… I don't think like other people… I think I'm inhuman."

"You're doing this because you're wrong?"

"Yeah… I am wrong aren't I? I'm not right." He was staring at him, almost pleading. "You understand right? It's better if I'm not around."

"Shut up!" Shizuo didn't like hearing any of this. It was like hearing his own thoughts spoken and it hurt.

"It's how I feel Shizuo. I don't know if I'm sad or scared or what. I just inconvenience you and hurt people."

"That's no excuse! Why the fuck have I stayed alive if you're just gonna kill yourself over this?!" As always, discussing this topic affected him badly. It was something he had considered so many times since middle school.

"I'm sorry?" He blinked, confused.

"I'm wrong! I've always been wrong. And you've seen what I can do! I've hurt people, maybe even killed. Even people I like! And I stay alive because people like Tom and Kasuka care. But I'm not a human being. I'm pretty much a monster."

"You're no monster. You feel things, you care about people. You're a human being… Just a really strong one." Izaya didn't realise what he had just done and what kind of effect he'd just had. Shizuo froze for a second, yet again incapable of thought.

"Are you fucking with me?" His voice was only a whisper.

"No. I really think that." So many times he had called Shizuo a monster yet now he was denying it.

"Well _you_ were a monster." Izaya winced as if he had been physically struck.

"I know. That's why I-."

"I said you _were_! I don't know about now."

"Why?" Izaya was tearing up again.

"I still don't like you… But maybe you can be less of a monster now. If you try. If I can try then so can you. You seem to have empathy now… I don't know if I believe you yet but if you're gonna prove yourself, you have to work hard." It was what Tom had told him and he had stuck with it. But Izaya may not be the same.

"How?" The informant was watching him with all of his attention, wide-eyed and hopeful.

"You can fix your mistakes! Make up for what you did."

"And if I can't remember them?" This did make him pause.

"Then just be a good person! And if you want to know how to start, you can never spread another rumour about me again!"

"I won't."

"Good. Now we are going home before your stupid ass freezes to death." He grabbed Izaya and carried him off.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. Now shut up." This month was one of the weirdest and most tiring of his life and he was going to need a seriously long holiday to get over it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

This was certainly a weird group of people wandering around the streets of Ikebukuro, so it was no surprise that the local people were looking puzzled. Seeing Shizuo Heiwajima and Tom Tanaka together was a normal occurrence. It was the addition of Izaya Orihara that confused people. Especially when Izaya was this subdued.

Shizuo did have to go in to work today and after Izaya's panic attack, Shizuo would not risk leaving him behind. So he was awkwardly following on behind his babysitter while Tom tried to focus on his phone.

"I think we're only a few streets away." The last two jobs had gone easily enough since these people had been intimidated enough by the sight of Shizuo to pay up so the mood of the group was decent. Although Tom could sense some tension between the pair he hadn't pried into any of it.

"What's his name again?"

"Takeda. He owes us the lovely sum of three hundred thousand yen and has a bit of an attitude over the phone."

"Great. A shithead." Exactly what Shizuo needed on a day like this. He was too worried about Izaya to deal with this crap.

"Just to try to hold it in, OK? We want his money."

"I know!" Shizuo puffed on the cigarette in an attempt to soothe his nerves. Having Izaya behind him was making it difficult to keep his cool. He was too busy worrying about Izaya slipping away to focus too much on anything else. Tom could see how much Shizuo was clenching his jaw and sighed, resigning himself to the likely outcome.

This Takeda guy lived in a surprisingly nice apartment for someone who owed so much money to a loan shark. It was on the second floor of a decent building at the centre of Ikebukuro. Compared to the usual shit holes they would visit, the hallway was actually clean, the walls weren't losing their paint and the door hadn't been broken down yet.

It was an unusual type of client to be sure, but they had a job to do so the hell with it. Tom tapped on the door with the back of his hand and, as they waited for the door to be answered, he stared at Shizuo.

"What?"

"Just… This is a narrow hallway and Izaya and I are here."

"I know!" Izaya had looked in their direction when his name had been mentioned but for most of the day he had stayed silent. "Oi flea. Stay back." It would be foolish to save a man's life and then accidentally kill him.

"OK…."

"Don't go too far though!" Shizuo wouldn't be as focused on him while this was going on. Izaya was choosing wisely to listen to him and stayed only a couple of metres away.

The door opened and a sleazy looking guy appeared. He wasn't even dressed yet and was wearing trousers and a dressing gown. His black hair lay all over the place and at all angles and Shizuo could feel his eyelid twitching at the annoying facial expression.

"What?" _You've got no right to be pissed off you bastard._

"Mr Takeda?"

"So what?" This guy was really asking for a face punching. It was likely he was going to be one of the bad endings.

"We're here about the money you owe. You were supposed to be paying the last instalment a couple of weeks ago."

"So I fell behind. You'll get your money."

"I insist you start paying now."

"Well I can't, so piss off." The man went to slam the door shut as Shizuo jammed his foot into it.

"You don't interrupt Tom you piece of shit." He was going to get so broken.

"Oh. I've heard of you." The man smirked and Shizuo clenched his fist. "You're the stupid lap dog who goes around growling at people."

"Huh?!"

"Shizuo, calm down!" Tom's voice was coming from behind him but the red mist was already descending.

"And it looks like the rumours are true. You're working for the Orihara bastard now." _Oh fuck no._

"I'm not working for that sack of shit!"

"Shizuo?" It was Izaya's voice this time but he wasn't turning around.

"No… You're just his babysitter. Seriously, how pathetic. He's an information broker with no memory. How useless is that? And now you've been leashed by him. I didn't know you were that much of a pussy."

"Shizuo-."

"Fucking die!" The Takeda prick wasn't smirking when Shizuo forced him through his own door. Shizuo stood and looked at the man's limp body, breathing heavily in an attempt to calm down. He heard Tom sigh.

"I'll call someone to clean this up." When the anger fully subsided, the guilt would be over-whelming.

But right now he knew that he was still livid. People knew about what had happened to Izaya; word travelled quickly in Ikebukuro. And that he was now looking after him… People were going to keep winding him up about this.

As the rage started to subside, he chanced a glance at Izaya. The flea looked afraid, holding onto his arm and shaking. He was badly hit by this and Shizuo only knew one thing; he had to get away from this situation. But he was thinking clearly enough to ensure that he carried on looking after his charge.

Shizuo started moving and as he passed Izaya, he grabbed him, tossing him over his shoulder. Izaya let out a startled yelp but he didn't resist being carried by him. Clearly he knew what was good for him and there was no conversation as they moved into the streets and started speeding away from the building.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Assholes._ He was getting weird looks with his angry grunting and apparent hostage. He must have looked like King fucking Kong carrying off a woman.

If he allowed himself to break down in public, he might lose Izaya, so he was getting home. It would be annoying if he damaged his own stuff but it would be an issue if Izaya disappeared on him. He didn't think he would run at this point but he couldn't trust a desperate man.

Izaya was suddenly thrown to the ground as they entered the apartment and Shizuo started pacing back and forth. A lot of his anger was dissipating but he still had a lot of pent up frustration. And the guilt of knowing he had given Tom more work to do and left him alone with it all wasn't helping.

 _Why am I so terrible? Why can't I control myself? Why? Why? Why?_ He couldn't stop growling and moving, wearing a little pathway in the floorboards.

"Shizuo?" Like an animal he froze, turning to face the man sat on his floor. Izaya had flinched the sudden glare. "Are you OK?" _Is he worried about me?_

"I'm fine!" He was used to being this way, it always wore off.

"I'm sorry." And here was that confusing phrase again. "I made it worse for you."

"It would've happened anyway." This didn't mean that it wasn't at least a little his fault but Shizuo was not an asshole. And he was trying to be somewhat amiable.

"…He deserved what he got." Izaya was still looking at him. "And you didn't do anything wrong, just your job." _He's trying to make me feel better._ It was so weird that Shizuo froze.

"You… You don't get it. I've failed Tom again." Why was he telling that to Izaya? He would vent his problems to Celty or to Tom but no one else. Especially someone he didn't trust. "They won't get paid."

"A lot of people know about… This."

"I know. Motherfuckers."

"…I could go home? I mean, I know I can look after myself." Shizuo didn't know how to take that.

"Why?"

"I don't want you to get hurt because of me again."

"Well you can't. Someone could kill you and where I would be then?"

"Better off." It irritated him that he couldn't agree.

"I'll deal with this. At least they're not bringing Kasuka into it." That usually riled him up more than anything else.

"Are you feeling better?"

"…Mostly." Shizuo sat down opposite Izaya and lit up a cigarette. It showed how far they had progressed that they were having civil conversations. And then Shizuo remembered. "You were shaking."

"I guess?" Izaya didn't seem especially affected anymore. "I wasn't afraid or anything. I just keep going odd. Maybe that scenario reminded me of things?"

"Probably." It wasn't like he would know. He was no expert. "You're not gonna have another panic attack thing are you?"

"I don't think so." Shizuo was not dealing with that. "Do you need anything?"

"Like?"

"…Tea? Coffee?"

"…Tea…" He had carried him home so he would get some tea. It sounded fair. And he was trying to be nicer to him. Perhaps they could be acquaintances instead of enemies. Neutral.

-Page Break-

An information broker with no memory. Izaya hadn't been able to quite get over that particular phrase. It had brought up some murky things in that confused brain of his. He wasn't sure where it had come from but the name Shiki had been prominent. A name that made him a little uncomfortable. But it was one he knew well. Where from, he couldn't locate.

 _It's something…_ Izaya wasn't sure if he should mention it to Shizuo. But then, Shizuo wasn't in a good way anyway. He was still twitchy from earlier. He'd been so guilt-ridden and been rapidly apologising over the phone to Tom.

Izaya had brought him tea and had been careful to give him space to cool off. But this didn't seem to have helped. But then, Izaya thought to himself, no one usually tried much except for Tom.

It had been an amazing display of power and Izaya had just watched Shizuo shove the guy through the door. But then, no one could blame him for what he had done. The man had goaded him and Shizuo had done his best to restrain his temper; anyone could see that.

"Why did you carry me home?" Shizuo seemed to come out of himself.

"Because I didn't want you disappearing. Dumbass. And I just wanted to get home."

"Ah… I would have followed you."

"Would you?" Their eyes made contact. He knew why he was suspicious and didn't want to trust him.

"Yes. I don't want to make you mad. It would be worse than death." He tried a little smile.

"Too right." Shizuo straightened his back but Izaya could see a small smile forming. Now that was a rare sight. A genuine smile from Shizuo. He liked it though. Shizuo still looked down and he knew that he needed something.

"Shizuo? Can I do anything else?"

"For what?"

"For you." Shizuo looked confused.

"Huh?" _OK… What would be good?_ He didn't know much but he could get an idea from things he assumed he'd picked up from TV or books.

"…You won't get angry?"

"Why?" He was being eyed suspiciously.

"To make it up to you. And to make you feel better?" Shizuo shifted uncomfortably. Clearly he wanted to find some reason to refuse.

"…Fine. But no tricks."

"Of course."

Izaya shuffled closer, Shizuo leaning away a little at the sudden close contact. He seemed unsure of how to react to this. But it was gonna get worse with the next move. Izaya figured he would try it anyway. He put both arms up and grasped Shizuo's shoulders. They were tense, along with Shizuo's face. He looked like he should be annoyed but there was some fear.

Izaya was nervous as he slowly came closer, progressing into a full hug. He was allowed to wrap both arms around the blonde man, even though he could tell Shizuo was not certain about this. He was so tense it was like hugging a board. But then Izaya started rubbing Shizuo's back in small circles. The blonde seemed to loosen up as he carried on. Izaya himself could tell that he wasn't entirely used to being touched since it felt like an unfamiliar sensation.

 _What am I doing? I don't know…. I guess this is supposed to be what you do in this kind of scenario… But it's Shizuo… No. I don't want to be afraid of him. Other people are. I don't think I should be._ It only came to a halt when Shizuo suddenly shoved him away.

"You can stop now." He was glaring a little.

"Sorry… I just knew that might help. Did it?"

"…A little." It was progress.


	10. Chapter 10

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

For a little while, Shizuo didn't realise what was wrong. He was alone in his futon, Izaya asleep only a metre or so away from him. Nothing had been moved since he had been sleeping and he hadn't been touched. It wasn't until he got out of the room and started up the kettle that he figured it out.

Usually when he looked at Izaya there was a strong feeling of hatred or disgust. It wasn't that he didn't feel annoyed anymore but that the feelings were somehow numbed, something that he didn't think would ever be possible. But he had been hugged by Izaya last night so anything could happen it seems.

Of course the memory of the hugging reminded him that he had seriously fucked up at work yesterday and Shizuo cracked the coffee mug he'd been holding in his frustration.

"Shit! Fuck!" A few large chunks of red china were now sticking in his palm, blood dripping all over his floor. He'd thought he'd learned after the mixing bowl incident back in high school that it was a bad idea for him to hold breakables while in a mood. And ceramics crumbled easily; it was likely there'd be chunks of it in the wound.

Shizuo was scowling at the cut and attempting to work out what he was going to do about it when he heard footsteps. It seemed he had awoken his roommate and he growled in the direction of the room.

"Go back to bed, it's fine." The footsteps only hesitated for a second and then the door was opened. Izaya seemed uncertain as he peered through. "I said it was fine."

"What happened?" Shizuo wasn't happy that someone was still moving slowly towards him after being snapped at.

"It's just a cut. It'll be OK." While he was still holding onto his wrist, Izaya advanced towards him. He almost felt afraid. He was used to people coming at him but with weapons, not kind intentions, especially when he was annoyed. Celty or Tom would try perhaps and occasionally Simon, but that was about the limit.

"I can check it if you want?" Izaya held his hand out. "I could fix it if you have a first aid kit."

He was going to tell him to piss off and that he could look after himself since he'd been doing it for long enough. But Shizuo had been looking after Izaya for a little while and since he'd been passable recently, Shizuo ended up saying; "It's under the sink."

"Alright. Sit down over there, I'll get the medicine." Feeling oddly calm, Shizuo did as he was asked. His anger was still present but he felt odd, unsure. Izaya approached warily and crouched next to Shizuo who was still cradling his hand.

"May I?" Izaya held his hand out. He didn't seem inclined to just grab him straight away. Part of Shizuo wanted to be annoyed that someone was treating him like a scared animal, but he was also receiving respect for his personal space so he didn't know how to feel. He just held his arm out so that Izaya could grip his wrist.

"This will probably hurt… Maybe we should ask Shinra."

"Just do it Flea." He wasn't going to bother Shinra with his idiocy.

"OK. I'll do my best."

Shizuo grimaced and released a pained hiss as Izaya started removing the pieces of china. Those parts were annoying enough, but Izaya then had to search the rest of the wound for remnants.

"Fuck!" He nearly smashed the table by bringing his other hand down on it.

"Should I stop?"

"No. Just get it done." Painful and annoying as it was, he wouldn't risk a serious affection. Fortunately Shizuo was used to pain so he could just about deal with him picking in cut. The wound probably needed a stitch or two but Shizuo didn't have anything that he could use for that. He had to settle for having it coated with antiseptic and bandaged heavily so he didn't bleed all over his floor.

The whole time Izaya was treating him, he did so with the most gentle of touches. With the way he moved during their fights, it should have been clear that Izaya would be skilled with his hands. In spite of the discomfort, it was a calming feeling and Shizuo was so focused on this, he could sense himself relaxing.

"That's the best I can do."

"That's great, thanks." He closed and shut his fingers a few times, wincing at the small amount of pain.

"I can make some coffee?"

"Please."

 _It's like having a housewife,_ Shizuo thought as he watched Izaya busying himself in the kitchen. _Or maybe a carer._ He had to wonder who was taking care of whom.

They sat in a relatively comfortable silence, sipping coffee and trying to wake up. Shizuo was still only wearing trousers and Izaya was in his shirt and boxers. He leaned over to check his phone; no contact from Tom. Possibly he was being given more time to relax but it just made him more frustrated.

"Are you alright?" And now Izaya was looking concerned.

"Fine." Izaya didn't push him and Shizuo normally didn't like to talk. But after recent events, he was feeling different. "I really hate this." Shizuo didn't speak loudly but Izaya moved a little.

"Hate what?"

He meant to say 'being like this' but what came out was "being me." He froze, surprised that he actually had said that. He was telling Izaya a lot of shit these days.

"What do you mean?"

"…It was always alright when you did bad things, because you never seemed to feel bad about anything… But I always care when I do this. I couldn't be some unfeeling bastard and I couldn't be a normal strength person. I'm just so mixed up and I hate it." Shizuo hadn't realised how much it took out of him to say this until he noticed that his vision was going a little blurry. Why was he crying? He'd grown out of that hadn't he?

Izaya didn't say anything but Shizuo could feel a hand grasping his, holding on tightly as he sat and let the tears fall. Both were quiet, even the crying making pretty much no noise. Just having someone holding his hand felt like he was being tethered to reality and not retreating into his own head. It lasted for such a while that Shizuo had to release Izaya's hand; they'd been gripping each other for too long,

"You better not tell anyone about this." Once Izaya remembered who he really was, Shizuo would probably have to beat him so he didn't talk.

"I won't."

"I'll kick your ass if you do."

"I know you would."

"…Why didn't you say anything?" Usually people fed him all this crap about how nice he was.

"Because you were telling me how you view yourself so… I couldn't tell you that you were wrong for having an opinion."

"That's one way of looking at it."

"And…maybe I understand? I guess neither of us like ourselves that much." Of course they would. "I… Um… I like you though. As much as I can like someone I barely know." Shizuo blinked.

"…I prefer this you to the you from before." Only a small amount of course. He was still kind of an asshole.

"I'm glad." Izaya was gripping his hand again.

"Why are you doing that again?" Shizuo wasn't letting go this time for some reason.

"It felt like the right things to do?" Of course Izaya would be unsure.

 _Why the fuck did I let myself cry? In front of the Flea no less. I should tell him to stop holding onto my hand like I'm a fucking child._ Still he didn't. Shizuo wasn't exactly a 'normal' human by any stretch of the imagination but he still wanted the same kind of things other people did.

Like when Izaya had hugged him yesterday. Normally he would have pushed him away instantly, but he had paused and enjoyed the human contact while he felt stressed. Physical contact with Shizuo Heiwajima didn't normally get more complicated that a punch to the face so any other touch was normally craved. Even if it was from the Flea.

"This has been a weird kind of day, hasn't it?"

"Fucking weird. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Everyone needs to let it all out eventually."

"Yeah. Normally I punch things though, not cry."

"Did it help?" Shizuo considered this.

"A little." He didn't feel any worse than he had before.

"Well if you want to... Y'know… Cry it out again, I'll be here."

"Why?" That was weird wasn't it?

"Better than being alone."

"…Maybe I'll take you up on that sometime. Probably not though. I don't make a habit of it."

"I don't know about usually, but right now I seem to be emotional a lot. Possibly a side effect of the head injury."

"Or you're just a whiny pussy." Izaya's laugh rang out, loud and sudden.

"Maybe." He was still smiling when Shizuo looked at him. There really was no trace of the usual malice in his eyes. Shizuo wasn't entirely pleased with Izaya but he was comfortable enough right now.

-Page Break-

Unsurprisingly Tom had called to tell Shizuo that he wasn't needed for the day; he would be fine on his own. It felt like a rejection even if it was done with good intentions. Shizuo needed to stop doing this; he wasn't going to earn much at the rate he was going.

He and Izaya had been mostly silent after the morning, watching TV and flicking through any magazine they could find. A comfortable silence that made the tension in his shoulders disappear. It was normally what he liked about talking to Celty after all.

As usual, one of the many films of Kasuka's was on one of the channels and Shizuo ended up watching his brother act the police officer with a detached smile. As long as his brother was happy, then he was happy. That was all there was to it.

"You always do that." Shizuo turned sharply at Izaya's voice causing the flea to flinch a little. "I didn't mean to say that aloud, sorry."

"What do I always do?" He wasn't annoyed, just intrigued.

"That smile. When you see your brother on TV. It's nice." He almost seemed embarrassed at adding that last part.

"I'm proud of him. He's doing well and people like him a lot."

"I'd be proud too. He works really hard." Shizuo was pleased to hear the compliment for his beloved sibling. "Have I ever met him?"

"Not really." Shizuo had usually kept them at a distance.

"I guess you want it to stay that way."

"…If it was current you, I wouldn't mind too much. Though when you regain your memory, if you go near Kasuka I will end you." For the first time he was feeling guilt at this. Shizuo supposed it was because this Izaya was agreeable.

"If you're likely to do that, why'd you stop me from dying? It's not a complaint, just a query." Izaya himself didn't seem too upset.

"I wouldn't like to see an innocent man dying. And I guess you don't remember anything so you didn't do anything." Shizuo wasn't sure current Izaya would want to do any of the things he had normally done.

"Sounds fair… But what if I never remember?" Shizuo paused as he went to light a cigarette.

"Then I guess I'll never kill ya."

"And I guess I'll have to stay here and be your house husband." Shizuo spluttered on his cigarette.

"Joke! It was a joke!" Izaya was quick to hold his hands up at the glare he received from the blonde. "I'll go home eventually."

"Too right you will. My apartment isn't big enough."

"I like it. It's comfortable."

"Is that a dig?"

"No." Shizuo eyed him suspiciously but could see no sign that he was lying. "This place feels…. Lived in. Like a home."

"Huh…" But then Izaya normally loved in vast, minimalist apartments. This would be a step down surely? "Didn't you like that apartment we visited?"

"…No. I hated it." For a second the man visibly paled. "It… It didn't feel very hospitable."

"You weren't always that welcoming so it would have suited."

"I guess… So, why do you wear that?"

"What?"

"You dress like a bartender." It had taken him a long time to ask about that.

"Oh. That. Kasuka got me a load of them when I got a job in a bar."

"I assumed it was a bodyguard uniform."

"It was all I really had. I got fired from there ages ago."

"Why?" And now for more awkward questions.

"You got me framed for a crime." He could see Izaya stiffen. "It doesn't matter though. I would have been thrown out because of a fight eventually anyway." Thinking along those lines just made him depressed again. "I got thrown out of every other kind of job for the same reason."

"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have done what I used to do. I don't even remember why."

"We need to stop bringing it up because you're just gonna be stuck constantly apologising to me."

"I guess we have so much history that it's hard to avoid." Neither could deny that. "You remember why I did what I did?"

"Because you enjoyed it? That was how it seemed."

"I hoped that wasn't the only reason."

"I'm sure you had some weird reason that made sense to you."

"Probably. Maybe it was some weird kind of foreplay and I was trying to get you into bed." Shizuo nearly choked at that. Izaya had a completely neutral face but a small twitch on his lip gave him away. Shizuo would normally have been more annoyed but he had to laugh and soon the pair were struggling to breathe.

"That was a terrible joke Flea."

"Sorry, I couldn't resist Shizu-chan." Shizuo froze.

"What did you just call me?" His chest had tightened. It had been like a sudden splash of cold water.

"Shizu-chan? Sorry, I guess that was weird." Izaya's smile disappeared when he realised how serious Shizuo looked.

"Why did you pick that name?"

"I don't know? It just seemed the right kind of stupid."

"Huh…" It made sense.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"…You used to call me that a lot. Pretty much exclusively."

"So I should not use it?"

"As long as you don't want me calling you Iza-chan." He needed to keep in a good mood and not bring them both down again. Needed to stop that fear.

"Well it wouldn't bother me too much."

"I prefer calling you Flea." Small, wears a lot of black and jumps around a lot. Suited him well.

"Well I am parasitizing you at the moment."

"You can make up for it by giving me a damn foot massage."

"Just let me get the oil." Both of them smirked.

It was an odd day. A very odd day. But for once Shizuo actually felt decent by the end of it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Fraternising With the Enemy**

 _ **Disclaimer: Durarara isn't mine.**_

"Hurry it up Flea!" Shizuo was standing just outside the front door of his flat, sucking on a cigarette and tapping his foot on the ground. He just wanted to get going already.

"I'm coming!" Izaya's voice echoed from back inside the building and he sighed.

"You said that five minutes ago!" _We sound like a fucking married couple._ They were starting to act like one anyway, with the way they helped each other in the kitchen and Izaya massaged his shoulders. And now they were going out for lunch like a normal domestic pair. It was almost sickening with how simple it was.

"I couldn't find the right shoes." Izaya finally appeared carrying one of his many pairs of plain, black shoes.

"They look the same as all the others."

"These aren't as scuffed."

"We need to get down there so we avoid the lunch rush!"

"Yes, sorry!"

 _We really are like a couple._ Shizuo had never had any kind of relationship last long enough to progress to the moving in stage but he assumed this is very much what it would be like. It was… comfortable. He kind of liked having someone to come home to and someone to talk to whilst watching TV. There had been no one like that since he'd been in high school and still living at home.

And he was a lot less on edge about walking next to Izaya. The pair seemed pretty comfortable to be near each other nowadays and he had stopped paying attention to any kind of scrutiny they received from passers-by too.

"So where are we going?"

"Russian Sushi. We've… been there a lot of times." More specifically, Simon had dragged them there and forced them to eat after one of their brawls a lot of times but that still counted. Those guys were nice enough.

"Ah. It's not ringing any bells but I'm sure I'll like it."

"You used to I think? One of the guys who works there used to split us up when we fought and try to get us to eat together. He said we should be friends." Shizuo smirked a little and he saw Izaya smiling.

"I'm sure he'll be pleased then?"

"Simon? Definitely. He still splits us up when we fight sometimes."

"He must be strong."

"Very." It was almost irritating how strong Simon was. But sometimes Shizuo appreciated that he stopped him from harming innocent people. "He's kind though."

"It'll be nice to meet him? Kind of."

"I bet he already knows. Someone will have told him."

"Yeah… At least it sounds a safe place to go." Considering it was run by the Russian mafia it was one of the safer places to eat but Shizuo wasn't going to point this out. He was sure Izaya would realise this soon enough.

They'd left the house early enough that as they reached central Ikebukuro, the majority of lunching office workers were still stuck in their jobs and so the true rush hadn't yet begun. This, coupled with the fact that Simon tended to intimidate people who were a little nervous, meant that the restaurant was pretty much empty when they reached it.

As usual Simon himself was stood outside, passing out flyers and greeting people in his slow voice. When he spotted Shizuo and Izaya together, he paused, before giving them his usual grin.

"Ah Shizuo, Izaya, welcome."

"Hey Simon. You probably already know the Flea can't remember anything."

"Hmm…" Simon, in spite of his slow seeming actions, seemed to have quite a quick mind judging from the way that he looked at Izaya. And then he started to speak something that Shizuo recognised to be Russian.

This was about normal he supposed, but what confused him was that Izaya, in halting and very confused speech, responded in the same language. Now he had known that Izaya could speak other languages since it was involved in whatever weird job he had, but he was surprised that he could still remember how to speak the aforementioned language.

He didn't know what was being said since he was useless at even Japanese sometimes but he could tell that Simon was saying something serious. Especially as Izaya looked nervous, stumbling over words and getting a little flustered. After everything he said, Simon surveyed him for a while, taking in his response and thinking it through before he said anything else. Possibly he was questioning Izaya over something; if he were Simon, he would also be suspicious that this was some kind of act.

The conversation went on for some minutes before Simon, after a brief pause, smiled and continued speaking in his easy-going Japanese.

"Come in. Can get you good seats. Very good. Good deal on sushi."

"Thanks Simon."

"Thanks…" Izaya seemed somewhat bemused after this. As they passed into the building and away from Simon, he sighed. "I can speak Russian then?"

"I guess so… What did he say?"

"Questions mainly…"

"Huh." He didn't bother to ask about everything since Izaya obviously didn't want to talk about it. It seemed things had changed more than he'd realised; before he would have questioned him closely.

The pair of them sat at a small table in one of the corners, where Simon brought them over a couple of plates of sushi. Shizuo had his usual but on Izaya's plate he noticed a few pieces of (very expensive) toro.

"Why have you got that expensive shit flea?"

"No idea…" He started picking at it, eagerly cramming it into his mouth when he got a taste for it. "This is so good!"

"I guess?" He was mostly indifferent to it but he guessed Simon had known what Izaya usually ordered.

"Try some." He held out a small piece with his chopsticks just in front of Shizuo's mouth.

"What are you doing?" Holding out food to someone's mouth was something only a parent or partner would do, and he wasn't sure he liked either.

"I'm giving you some food? Say Ah." He was smiling, no cruel glint in his eyes just amusement. After a little hesitation, Shizuo opened his mouth and allowed Izaya to place the small piece of fish on his tongue. "What do you think?"

"It's… OK I guess?" It was only tuna, something he wasn't overly worried about. But he was feeling especially uncomfortable. His clothes felt way too much and way too hot. He was kind of tempted to take off his bowtie since it was almost strangling him; strange since it didn't normally.

"I love it." Izaya polished off the last of the tuna with a satisfied hum before he really got a good look at what Shizuo was doing. "Something wrong?"

"No! Just… It's hot in here!" He started undoing his waistcoat. Normally he was quite happy wearing it but today it was too much on top of the dress shirt so off it came.

"I guess it's quite warm?" The flea just looked confused about this behaviour but he didn't question it. Shizuo wasn't entirely sure what was going on himself if he was honest.

The food, even though it was infamous for using odd ingredients, tasted as good as it always did and Shizuo did enjoy that, even if he was odd. Maybe he had a fever? This had happened to him before. His stupid amount of resilience meant that he tended to walk around with a high fever for a couple of days before he suddenly realised that something was wrong and that he should probably take some kind of medicine. He attempted to test his own temperature with the back of his hand, but it was somewhat hard to compare.

"You OK?" Izaya was watching him carefully. "You're not feeling unwell right?"

"I don't know…" That had to be it. There would be nothing else that would have caused the weird temperature changes.

"You're ill?" And now concern.

"Shizuo is ill? It's not the food right?" Simon had heard that someone was unwell in this restaurant and had come rushing over to check it wasn't food poisoning.

"It looks more like a fever."

"I'm probably fine."

"Oh?" And suddenly there was a Simon in his face.

"What are you doing?!" This had not been what he'd expected, and when the man pushed his forehead against Shizuo's, he froze.

"Quite hot."

"So it is a fever?"

"Could be…" Simon and Izaya were surveying him carefully.

"I'm fine, I'm just a little hot!" And being watched was making him hotter.

"But you should be careful with your health. Maybe we should take you home…"

"I'll be fine!" Unfortunately, as this was followed by him reaching out and knocking his glass of water all over the place, it didn't seem quite genuine.

"Lack of co-ordination is a bad sign Shizuo."

"…Just shut up." _What is wrong with me?_

-Page Break-

"I said I was fine!" Shizuo was protesting but Izaya was still dragging him along a little by the arm.

"But I don't want you to feel unwell!"

Shizuo wasn't exactly always perfect but he seemed somewhat strange and so Izaya had grown concerned. He'd kind of ended up dragging him towards their home, with some help from Simon who had carried Shizuo out of Russian Sushi insisting that 'Rest is good'.

Izaya wasn't sure what he thought of Simon. The guy clearly cared for Shizuo since he had seemed concerned but the way he had looked over Izaya… He was no normal sushi chef that was for sure. Generally anyone who associated with his blonde haired friend could be considered to be far from average on the spectrum of normality so he knew something was different.

And the questioning… He spoke very differently in Russian to the amiable tones he used in Japanese. He'd suspected, as most people did that he had been faking and even when he was somewhat convinced, he still watched him.

 _I guess that makes me trust him more._ Because anyone who was wary of the old him would probably be a decent person. Possibly? He still couldn't remember who he regularly interacted with so it was hard to say.

"You can let go of my arm Flea!" He noticed that Shizuo was still looking quite warm.

"Ah, sorry!" He released him and the pair continued walking normally. "You should get some rest when we get back."

"I will! I think I'm fine though so I don't know why you're worrying."

"It's not really worrying… I just don't want you to overdo it." Tom would be mad at him if he allowed Shizuo to push himself and get ill.

He hadn't shown any sign of illness before and he only seemed to have a slight temperature but the sudden onset had concerned him. He seemed the type to be hit hard by any kind of affliction he had, even if it didn't occur very often.

Shizuo very reluctantly went off to his futon whilst Izaya got on with cleaning up some of the mess they'd left in the morning. This kind of life was strangely peaceful for him and he did like it. He didn't really have to worry about anything in the same way; he didn't remember much and Shizuo looked out for him. And as for that head…. Well, he could forget about it for now. It probably didn't matter.

And living with Shizuo… it wasn't exactly perfect but he couldn't imagine things going any other way. It was almost the only thing he really knew at this point and it didn't feel wrong. Especially as they'd started to get used to each other. He'd felt the intense hate the man had felt towards him before slowly winding down until it had been replaced by an uneasy kind of friendship. It was still fragile but it meant a hell of a lot to him right now.

 _And I think he likes it too… He seems happy about it…_ He just hoped that he was making Shizuo feel happier. As he was one of the main issues in the man's life, he figured having him as an ally would improve things.

 _He's a good person. Even if he has got the anger issues. But he's pretty fun to be around when we're talking… Even if he really pisses me off._ The glass in his hand fell and bounced on the carpet and Izaya cursed. _Pisses me off?!_

The thought had risen up from somewhere; he couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from or why he had thought that but it had been there.

 _But he doesn't piss me off! I like being around him. I mean, I pursue him…. Pursue?_ He hadn't pursued Shizuo. Had he? _What is this? What's going on?_

He wasn't sure what was happening but it wasn't pleasant. Something felt very wrong. _It'll be fine. Everything will be OK. I just need to stop thinking._ Thinking was the only thing that was causing him any kind of problem. Especially as he couldn't work out where some of these thoughts seemed to be coming from. Or maybe, he just didn't want to work it out.


End file.
